All Lovey and Gooey

I'm tired and sore. Long day. Entertaining a baby while dealing with idiots shopping. Attempting to find a black sweater that wasn't see-through, a turtleneck or frumpy for the friend I'm with. Ended up finding a dark gray one...hope it works for her. I don't understand it, but manufacturer's are fucking idiots with the way clothing is being designed.

So take this post with a cup of coffee. I know I'll be needing some along with the Mtn Dew I just chugged down.

I had a realization before bed last night. I told Him all about it. That's just what I do...

It's that I was able to be sad without spiraling into a depression. This was Monday evening. I was in the shower and just started balling my eyes out. Which yeah that did suck but it was healthy. I was doing okay before 24 hours later. No depression, no darkness. Fuck yeah!

I claim my victory!

He thinks it's a little weird, my phrasing of how frickin happy I am that I had non-debilitating sadness. Don't care. I'm fucking ecstatic that I don't need to freak out because I feel like crying now and then. Strange as it sounds but that made my day.

Okay so before the strange realization late at night in bed. He and I were texting per the norm.

I was in a good mood. Like a super, duper great mood.

I mentioned how weird it is to not be calling Him "Sir"...and He said it won't be too long. Thankfully!!!

Which is when I started to gush. Totally sappy, lovey, gooey.

How I crave Him. How the man fascinates me to no end. I'm constantly learning new things about Him and I love it.

Okay, I won't continue with that or this will go on forever...

But, He was surprised I gushed so much. Really??? Huh, well okay then. :-P

He makes me happy. All the time, seriously. Just who the man is satisfies my mind, heart, and body. Of course I'm gonna gush and be all lovey-dovey.

I also got permission to gush as much as possible to Him. *grins and sighs happily*

I miss the kink. I really do. But, I love this man so much that I can go without it from time to time.

Also, I asked for something!!! I asked if ropes could be used when we have our weekend together in January. He said yes and it's on the list of things of "some day."  Along with a whole assortment of other fun things that I can barely recall now.

So He's happy and I'm happy. ^_^

Why I love coffee

Not sure what I'd do without coffee. Probably function terribly.

Not much kinky is really happening, on any level. I can't see it happening any time soon to be honest. It kind of makes me miss one of my ex's...for half of a second. Ha!

Nah, just a lot going on with me. Within and without.

I think a cuddle will go a lot farther than a spanking at this point. Though I wouldn't say no to both...

He and I are both trying to work on ourselves for the time being. Help each other when and where we can. We need the friendship more than we want the rest.

Today was/is one of those days where I should not be alone. Thankfully there's an event tonight. That's about as kinky as my life is going to get. I do get to see Him, as well as some other friends.

So there is an upside to actually leaving my house from time to time.

I'm drinking coffee now. I think cup three...it's hard to count as I drink half a cup and then refill. I'm weird like that.

It's my sanity, at least for today. Because I'm all over the place and coffee is my center. Plus, I'm going back to reading the book He gave/lent me. Probably going to need the coffee to give my brain a way to make sense of it...and all the thoughts the coincide with what I'm reading.

I promise to write something kinky for y'all soon. I have plenty of thoughts on the subject after all. Just because I'm not active in kink doesn't mean I can't share my thoughts about it. So look out for post along those lines in the near future.

In Wishes and Coffee

I've only known him since July. It seems like we talk every day or near about that. It's easy to lose hours in our conversations.

We see each other at local events. Have even done the dinner and coffee thing. I'll be seeing him later this evening.

I'm nervous, excited, worried...petrified. Not of him but of my own reactions. We're mixing things up tonight, for us. Testing each other's strengths and weaknesses.

I want him to be stronger.

Please be stronger. I am a woman with a weakness, in a man with a devious smile, a strong laugh, and a brilliant mind.

He's not the first with the potential to completely overpower me, in every sense. I think he'd be the first to have the courage to try and the skills to do it right.

Ah, if only our paths had met at a different point in time...though technically we had. We were different people then. It truly would have crashed and burned between us. Then we were presented a second chance, once our lives were in better places.

Yet still the timing isn't right.

So I will meet with him this evening. Share a lot of laughs. He'll give me looks that will melt me to my core  and stop my breath. It'll be intense, sexually charged, and controlled. He'll push my buttons and I'll have to resist him at every turn.

All because I asked. Because we need to know if I can. What it'll mean if I can't.

I'm not the only one falling...