Friday, May 26, 2017

Sick with a minor plague

It's been a long few weeks. I ended up getting a minor plague from Lisa. I housesat for one night and ended up so sick. I'm not 100% still and it's been over two weeks now.

I've also not been sleeping properly for a month now. I hoped being sick would fix that. Nope, I fell asleep at a reasonable hour for only one night. It's now between 1 and 3 am. It's not good for my physical health. Nor is being so tired during the day that I essentially pass out, but god forbid I sleep at night.

My anxiety has also been through the roof. That may be part of the issue with not sleeping properly. Starting a new antidepressant. Couldn't tell you the name. It's very long and starts with a v. *shrugs*

Oh, I'm getting a new primary doctor. Here's hoping he's better than my last one. That guy was AWFUL. So better is not hard to accomplish.

Other than that, I'm unhappy in my relationship with Frank. But I'm actually thinking it through to decide if I'm generally unhappy and projecting. Or if there are issues I can't overlook anymore.

I also know I don't date people long term really well. I get bored and restless. I notice things more or more like I always did but happy love chemicals going on made me dismiss them at the time.

I know I have a busy of my own issues so I'm trying to be more patient and understanding. I don't know. I see what happens and continue monitoring how I feel.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Masochist, and not in the fun way

If you could get out of my dreams that'd be great. And where she shows up, there's got usually are. Because damn if my mind is a sadist to itself or it's really that big of a masochist. Maybe both. And I very that you're people no longer in my life with unresolved issues, but you're not the only ones. For gods sake, she hasn't been in my life since 2008.

Except I see her on fb and I can never bring myself to unfriend her. At least it's some glimpse into her life. Yep, a masochist through and through.

But you. You are the same asshole in my dreams but only now I see it all for what it is. And if I could bleach you out of my memories, I would. Just so I'd never dream of you again.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Asking for prayers/well wishes

I was going through the archives here looking for a post only to realize I never spoke about it. Well fuck me.

In Feb of 2013, my little brother overdosed and ended up in a coma for several weeks because of it. He was lucky that his friends cared enough to call for help. He was only 21 at the time. From what I understand he's doing well now.

I don't know why I never wrote about it. I was home two weekends in a row. One for that. The next for the weekend event that friends and I (yeah, Steve too) attended. By home I mean the event was down the street from my pediatric's office.

Saturday. Fuck. Frank's brother overdosed and didn't make it. I never got to meet his brother, as he was living in FL in rehab. He was 22. Just fuck.

That's probably why I didn't write about my brother at the time. I don't have words for this and I still don't know how to healthy process that weekend four years ago. Four years. It just doesn't seem like it.

All I'm asking is whoever you pray to or however you think we'll of others in times like these, I don't need them. But Frank and his mom do. More his mom.