Sunday, August 10, 2014


Not too much has been going on lately. I started taking karate lessons twice a week. It's a hell of a workout. The couple who run it are amazing. The husband and I share the same twisted sense of humor. It's fantastic. His wife is extremely patient and adaptable to what my body can and can't do.

I have to take care of the garden this week. Some of the plants have matured so I need to get them out of the raised bed. The usual of weeding and basic upkeep.

Cleaning the house thoroughly as I have a friend coming to stay with me next week. That'll basically be my week. Get to the gym more. Eat better.

Things have been routine. My therapist says it's good for me. I have more of a content feel about me. Unfortunately, it means I have nothing to talk about.

Hopefully something interesting will happen soon, lol.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Higher Standards

Yesterday, I got a message from a guy. It was on a very specific bdsm website that is known for the trolls and laughs. But he was nice. We exchanged messages for a while. They were witty, funny, and highly sexual. The man pegged me for what I enjoy.

And I'm so disinterested it's not even funny.

The guy did nothing wrong. The argument could be made he did a lot right. It was so...boring.

Really, where's the fun and challenge if the person views bdsm in the exact same way??  *yawn*  You might think being so complimentary sexually with another person is a good thing. Nope, because then that's all they see. The sexual submissive woman. Believe me, I know the type. It's hot for a while until I deviate from being the good little subbie, as I always do. Then comes the fighting, after that I'm just bored.

So, I skipped the whole process right to boredom LOL

I know the routine, which means I can manipulate it, and that whole power exchange bit? Yeah, I come out on top. Again, boring.

Elevated standards? Yep, pretty much.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Keep Calm And...?

What y'all here in blogland don't know is that I've been a fairly hermitted person for the last 8-9 months. I didn't completely lock myself away, but enough that some people haven't seen me in all that time and I live 20-25 minutes from them. It's strange to think that I haven't seen some people since 2013.

Before that, I was the social butterfly. There was always something I was doing or people I was going to see. Idk, the Ex kinda ruined that in a lot of ways. I got pushed so deep into my depression that it honestly didn't feel like it had been that long apart from people. Time meant very little to me.

Most people talk about a light at the end of a tunnel. Well, I'm there. Being blinded by the light, sounds, colors, noises, people. It's a bit overwhelming to the woman who's been mainly inside of depression for the last 12 years. I'm working on adjusting though. I've been out twice in past couple of weeks to larger social functions. They were fun. I'm even planning a little bbq party at my place in a few weeks.


It's been a long week. An emotionally wrought one at that. Everyone tells me I'm strong because I've endured so much and I'm still functioning. I'd like to petition to whatever higher power that is listening: Can I get a break? For a little while? Please?

Give me a few months where I don't have to be this fortress that endures. But I know better.

So I'm going to try to follow Rogue's advice:

Yes, yes to all the chocolate

Good starting place