Monday, March 31, 2014

All the craziness of life

I'm sorry I haven't been posting...again.

Life got a bit hectic. Lisa was in the hospital, having had severe abdominal pain since last Monday. I spent nearly the entire time with her while she was there. Appendicitis, ugh. They also found some other issues to address.

I don't have enough brain to really explain this. The hospital had posters everywhere promoting "Rest and sleep" environments...

How can anyone sleep well when someone is coming to do something to one of the patients in the room every hour of the day and night?? You can't. That's how.

So I'm going to sleep. Lisa is doing fine now. Minor pain from the surgery locations but otherwise she's feeling really good.

I'm mad at her husband but he seems to be making up for being a jackass. Grrrrrrrrr. Don't mess with my woman.

Sir was great. Amazing. I love that man so much. He's the best ever. <3 <3 <3

He kept me sane so I could support Lisa. Because that's who Sir is. That's who I am. He's been checking up on us, making sure we're alright. In total disbelief over Lisa's husband. (but hey, if I ever get that sick, I know I have people I can depend on. The people I love proved that)

Chris has also been really great through all of this. It's been a long week and he was checking up on us whenever I needed to be "small fluffy kitten" in need of a ton of comfort.

I doubt this makes a lot of sense. This is the first time I've been home since early Wednesday morning. My bed has never looked better. Except when Sir's in it with me. Yeah, that is better. This is a very close second though. :-)

I will explain better when I have normal brain function and I'm not a zombie.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Further Ramblings

I'm browsing Facebook after a glass of wine...

...still a glass of wine.

I'm actually half way through glass two.

And I realize that some of my friends are paranoid in completely different ways. I have a bunch of activist and socially aware friends...who happen to think very different thoughts about a variety of topics. Including whether or not the Westboro Baptist Church is in reality a social experiment instead of a group of bigots.

I didn't say I agree with said friend, but it makes for an interesting feed.

Now I only have 57 friends on FB. Out of those people, I talk to/see about 16 of them. People I talk to regularly? Chris and Lisa.

Considering I'm an extrovert, I'm very antisocial to 99.9% of people. Sir says it's possibly an issue. I think it's perfectly fine.

So the information I do see is fairly personal (besides pages I follow which range from silly cats to activist pages). And I realize that even though I think some people are a little too paranoid, they think. A lot. Which is more than most people do. I find I appreciate thinking people over people who agree with me without understanding why. Or people who share common interests but don't quite grasp the idea of open mindedness and being an adult.

That idea is unfathomable to me that people could be 20 years my senior, have kids and grandkids...and be blinded by their narrow viewpoint of the world. Or plain arrogance.

It's funny. Because people I know claim that Fetlife is their safe place where they are free to be themselves. For me, Facebook is my private place where I have a limited amount of people. Where I don't have to be guilt tripped for not having everyone added as a friend. Because "omg, we're all like 13 year old girls and let's be besties forever!!!" Or not...

I actually don't know where this is going. Only that people suck. And I like being a weird combination of extrovert and introvert.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Answer to a posed question

Betsy T  asked: I've been thinking about finding a therapist but really worry about finding one who is open to all my odd inclinations. Did you look for a "kink" friendly therapist in particular?

Normally I answer questions in comments but I have a lot to say about this. That's fairly normal, me going on and on. However, I thought my answer might interest other people who read here.

I have never liked therapists. Never. I've been in and out of therapy since I was 7. Only twice have I found therapists on my own. The first one I found was back in college. It didn't last long and it did more harm than good. Between that experience and all the forced therapy growing up, I didn't believe it would help.

Sir and I had a lot of arguments about therapy. I can finally call them arguments, for that's what they were. And of course these moments would pop up when I was at my worst. I was spiraling, badly.

You may think this has nothing to do with how I approached finding a therapist. In fact, it does. I'd been using D/s as a bandage for my issues. Sir wouldn't let me do that. I doubt He ever will, heh. I wanted to find a kink friendly therapist but I knew that couldn't be the focus. I needed someone to see all the issues and help me fix them in a way that was best for me. I believe that was the intent of all the therapist I've seen over the years. What they actually did was make me close off myself from everyone.

I couldn't let anyone see "me" so I broke up my personality into pieces. Fracturing is what Sir and my therapist call it.

So you see, if I could find someone to understand all of that (and more) properly, then I knew bdsm and polyamory wouldn't be an issue. Who I am as a whole reflects the parts. It's easy to pick up the power exchanges, why they work, and how it all fits together. I'm fairly transparent, once you get to know me. Especially so since I met Sir, as He's thrown back the curtains on many a dark place in my mind.

To answer the question a bit more simply, no I didn't go looking for a therapist who was kink friendly. I worried about everything before I met my therapist. I had simply googled therapists in my area and found a site called Psychology Today. Out of everyone, my therapist stood out. He had a picture of him and his dog. Sir told me that it make take some time and various people to find the right person. I finally got lucky, after all these years.

I think most therapists won't be bothered by kink or any of the other odd things any of us are up to in our private lives. I found out that I wasn't the first bdsm person my therapist has seen, and I've broadened his mind about the variety non-monogamous relationships could occur. You'll never know what a therapist will be like until you message them. It doesn't hurt to ask about their experience with sexuality when calling or emailing for an appointment.

I still am uncomfortable with the idea of therapy. Even though it's working now, I know the horror stories first hand of bad therapists. But I will say that the right therapist is worth the effort of looking. I hope this helps Betsy. :)

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Random Saturday Messages

I just got the most random, what the fuck message ever. Believe me, I've gotten a ton of messages over the years but the nature of it is definitely unique. Almost hitting a starting point to talk and then going deep into right field.

"Hey I'm a Pagan, I think? I believe bacteria are our Gods, since they created us, live in us, shape our deep evolution, and we turn into them when we die..."

Yep. That's...what do I do with that? Lol

If there had been more of a conversation first, or if the guy asked a question, but as it stands I'm sort of confused.

It amused me enough that I thought I'd share. :)

Oh I was finishing this, I got another message that said: "Can I ask a strange question?"  Pretty sure I don't want to touch that with a ten foot pole!!!  Must be something in the air today...

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Question and Answer Month

Apparently it's question and answer month here in blog land. Feel free to ask away. If there are questions posed to Sir, Chris or Lisa...I can't guarantee an answer, but I'll try my best to get some kind of reply. :)

Lisa and I had some fun recently. By fun I mean beating her cute ass with paddles, floggers, etc. Biting, too, since she's the only one I'm allowed to nomomom on. She'll have those bite marks for a few weeks, more likely than not. So happy purring sadist has returned to the background and will probably linger there for a few weeks or perhaps longer.

Not too much else is going on. I was asked about a month ago to help plan out a...commitment ceremony of sorts for friends of Chris and mine. While it'll be in July that's not really a lot of time to get everything together. Probably once the weather warms up a bit more, I'll be going to see Chris and helping with all of that in person. *whispers*  Why do I agree to these things??

On a more amusing note, I had therapy on Tuesday and Sir got brought up, which is normal. I may have agreed that Sir, perhaps, might be right about a few of my tendencies. My therapist laughed and asked, "Would he be surprised to hear you say that?"  Ummmm, I plead the fifth? I know He's right. Y'all know. Sir knows. I don't need to be constantly telling Him that He's right....right? :-P