Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Dinner went well but...

It's been an interesting few days. Some good, some bad. Mainly good times though. Thanksgiving went really well. The turkey was moist and delicious. My friends and I killed at least 6 bottles of wine and nearly an entire jug of sweet red wine. I'd have to do an inventory downstairs to be sure. I was very tipsy at one point. I'd lost track of how much I had to drink, and I hadn't been snacking like everyone else because I had been prepping things.

Let's just say I was kicked out of my own kitchen...

So Wednesday night Chris decided he was coming down as well. I'll admit, I was a little nervous/worried about him and Steve being in the same room together for an extended amount of time. I knew they'd be polite but I expected it to be awkward. Thankfully everything went smoothly!

As for what didn't go well, I'm not happy with Chris right now. For things that happened before and after the party. He better not talk to me for a few days because I will go off on him. He was disrespectful to me and the rules of my house. When I'm not livid, he and I will be having a conversation about it. I'd be furious if a friend did the crap he did, let alone my boyfriend.

Lisa and I talked about it yesterday while I was at her house. Even she said that as upset as she gets at Steve sometimes with the relationship issues, she always gets over it because he's a great guy who never intends to hurt me. Disrespecting me is a whole separate issue. She's never met Chris and never wants to at this point. Can't say I blame her.

I've just been able to distance myself from a crappy ex. I sure as hell am not going to be treated like crap ever again. So he's walking on thin ice and I have no problem breaking up with him if he doesn't get his head out of his ass. Too many more respectful people around who want my interest to waste my time with that shit.

We'll see how all that goes, but I'm done putting up with other people's crap and nonsense. This is also why I'm not casually dating. I never have been honestly. I tend to randomly meet people and fall into relationships. It's when I try to date that I meet the crazy ones who won't leave me alone.

But Thanksgiving went well enough that I said I'd have something around Easter next year. Too much going on in December to have Christmas here. It was well worth the stress and headaches.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Thanksgiving Plans

I can honestly say that I can't wait for February to get here. I thought things would calm down after the new year, but major events are making it seem like I won't get a good break until February. That's mildly depressing, not gonna lie.

As for what I'm doing now, prepping and cleaning for this Saturday. I'm having friends over for a Thanksgiving dinner. I had to make a list of things to do so I wouldn't forget anything. These people are my family, which is the only reason I'm hosting a dinner party for 14 people. I invited 19, because yes I am that crazy. For those curious, Steve is coming on Saturday.

I'm spending actual Thanksgiving day with Lisa and her family. That'll be more chill at least.  Next Tuesday, I'm having a friend over for dinner and red wine. I haven't seen him in ages so it'll be good to catch up. And then the Saturday after Thanksgiving I'll be spending the day with friends doing some shopping. Apparently we're dressing up in skirts and boots for the day out.

Then it's December, with all of the crazy holiday events that will come with it. Though I will have something kinky to talk about at least. On the 14th, I'll be spending the day with Rebecca and Kevin. It'll just be play, not sex. It'll be nice though. I need something kinky going on or I'm going to go stir-crazy. And I need more than some one off time too. But I doubt that'll be happening any time soon.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014


He ran his thumb over my bottom lip
My breath hitched
All thought ceased
My body limp in surrender

There, lurking behind hazel eyes,
Was a force aching for flesh and torment
And I prey, caught in the piercing gaze

Vulnerable and exposed, my offering
Hunger and passion, his desires

Softly I mewed,
Content in his exploring touch
The sweet innocence fueling his sadistic urge

"What is your darkest secret?"
He whispered, leaning in close
My nerve lost,
A thought silenced on a stilled tongue

The unspoken words of
"What do you want to know?" lay unbarred
That I would throw open all the gates is my secret,
To be truly seen and understood

That the same stillness of a graze upon my lip
Would be known in the softest corners of my mind

But he shakes his head, smiling softly,
"That is no secret, not to me. Search deeper."

In the stillness, I saw as he saw
There were no secrets,
No dark places he could not reach
Light shone on all for him to see,
Every door unlocked

"Your darkest secret is that you try your damnedest
To believe you can still keep something, anything from me.
You wish to have some power, some bit of knowledge to tempt me.
You fear the peace of surrender you so long for..."

I woke as if from a dream
Alone in bed, the echo of his touch upon my skin
Peace in surrender to that which I can not change
I hold no power here

The blurring of reality and fantasy...

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Home From Friends' Wedding

I'm home again, after all the wedding...everything. It went as well as it could have given the drama of friends' families. There were moments of laughter and fun. The bride's mother and I started drinking wine at 3 pm on Friday. Just so we could keep from killing the maid of honor. She was...unbearable. When the bride found out about all the nonsense, she was furious. Let's just say I don't think they are friends anymore.

Besides all of the drama, it was a great wedding. The bride and groom had so much fun. The bridal party (myself included) sang along to their wedding song:

The groom sang it to the bride while they were dancing. Everyone was trying not to cry and most of us weren't succeeding. I think there's video of the entire bridal party trying not to fall apart. Chris was also in their bridal party, as these are friends of ours who got married. We were looking at each other from across the dance floor, basically singing the song to each other. It was really cute.

We also found out we're "that couple." The ones who are so cute and sweet that you want to gag. We never thought of ourselves as such, to be honest, before Friday night. I'm going to blame the wedding atmosphere for causing that. We also apologized to our friends because the photographer kept taking pictures of us throughout the night, being snuggled up together. Slow dancing and such.

That was mentioned the morning after at the hotel over breakfast. Most of the wedding party and some of the guests ended up at breakfast, unintentionally, at the same time. Our friends laughed when we told them about all of the pictures of us that were taken. They noticed it as well, and agreed that we were adorable.

Unfortunately, this is going to lead to questions about marriage...again. *sigh*  We're adorable together, yes. We'd also kill each other if we lived under the same roof, probably about a month in. So when we are together, we're happy to have the time. Otherwise we enjoy our space apart. I understand that it's not part of normal relationships, but it works for us.

Now that I'm home, I can chill and relax. At least for a couple days. I'm actually excited to stay inside and clean. Cook and bake. Be absolutely domestic. Steve's coming over to spend some time relaxing with me this week. I'm so excited for that. Snuggles! Yay! And back rubs, hopefully. We probably both need them. I'm just happy for downtime with him.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014


From the wisdom of Albus Dumbledore, my favorite fictional character. Makes me want to reread the books...again.

Ever have a moment in your life where you feel like you're standing on the edge of a cliff, holding your breath? And you take a step off, not knowing what lies below?

I'm holding my breath, wondering if the decision was the right one. Not doubts for my well being, but for another's. What's done is done though. All I can do is wait to see how it unfolds. I'm concerned it was an impulse decision.

What I wouldn't give for Albus Dumbledore's ear right now.

Monday, November 3, 2014

A Night On The Town

During my friend's bachelorette party, we ended up at this one bar. There was music playing so we figured we'd drink, dance, and have some fun. We're not the bar or club type of people. I hadn't gone dancing in years. I left that behind early on in college.

I was reminded why I don't go to places like that or really hang out with those kind of people. They are kids. I'm not talking about actual age. I'm sure a number of them were older than me. But it reminded me of middle school and high school. I people watched and honestly? I had quite a few laughs that evening.

For one, at the girls who are obviously straight and grinding up on each other. All to get the attention of some guys...Yeah okay. So what's a kinky, pansexual woman going to? Dance with another woman like I'm fucking her on the dance floor as I bite her shoulder. My friend enjoyed the hell out of it too, lol!!!

I had another laugh at the guys who were trying to get the attention of the girls who were obviously trying to get the attention of the guys but had no interest in going home with them. That's fucking hilarious. Then there were the slightly awkward and adorable guys who had no idea what to do when a woman actually wanted to dance with them. Yep, I go for the nerdy guys who got dragged along with their friends. The one was wearing a captain america t-shirt. It was so cute how out of place he was.

What really made me laugh was all the games that they were playing, guys and girls, back and forth. It's makes me so fucking glad to be kinky and not really around "regular society people" much. If I wanted to go out with someone, or wanted to play, or have sex, do you know what I'd do? Tell them. Ask. Talk about it.

As much as I cringe sometimes at how much attention I get, how often people want in my pants, I'm grateful about how they go about it. None of the dumb games people play. And yeah, I get a lot of interest and attention. I'm not on the market or looking either. In the last several months, a lot of people have been interested in relationships, play, friends with benefits, dating, all sorts of things. I've turned every one of them down.

I'm not interested in dealing with other people's bullshit and idiosyncrasies. But after the weekend, I am so glad I'm kinky and in my community. "No" and "not interested" means something and is respected. I'd rather the interest from kinky people any day and having to deal with that than the outright equally hilarious and horrifying games the rest of the world plays.

We really should have gone to the gay bar instead. It would have been way more fun, hahaha!