Normally I answer questions in comments but I have a lot to say about this. That's fairly normal, me going on and on. However, I thought my answer might interest other people who read here.
I have never liked therapists. Never. I've been in and out of therapy since I was 7. Only twice have I found therapists on my own. The first one I found was back in college. It didn't last long and it did more harm than good. Between that experience and all the forced therapy growing up, I didn't believe it would help.
Sir and I had a lot of arguments about therapy. I can finally call them arguments, for that's what they were. And of course these moments would pop up when I was at my worst. I was spiraling, badly.
You may think this has nothing to do with how I approached finding a therapist. In fact, it does. I'd been using D/s as a bandage for my issues. Sir wouldn't let me do that. I doubt He ever will, heh. I wanted to find a kink friendly therapist but I knew that couldn't be the focus. I needed someone to see all the issues and help me fix them in a way that was best for me. I believe that was the intent of all the therapist I've seen over the years. What they actually did was make me close off myself from everyone.
I couldn't let anyone see "me" so I broke up my personality into pieces. Fracturing is what Sir and my therapist call it.
So you see, if I could find someone to understand all of that (and more) properly, then I knew bdsm and polyamory wouldn't be an issue. Who I am as a whole reflects the parts. It's easy to pick up the power exchanges, why they work, and how it all fits together. I'm fairly transparent, once you get to know me. Especially so since I met Sir, as He's thrown back the curtains on many a dark place in my mind.
To answer the question a bit more simply, no I didn't go looking for a therapist who was kink friendly. I worried about everything before I met my therapist. I had simply googled therapists in my area and found a site called Psychology Today. Out of everyone, my therapist stood out. He had a picture of him and his dog. Sir told me that it make take some time and various people to find the right person. I finally got lucky, after all these years.
I think most therapists won't be bothered by kink or any of the other odd things any of us are up to in our private lives. I found out that I wasn't the first bdsm person my therapist has seen, and I've broadened his mind about the variety non-monogamous relationships could occur. You'll never know what a therapist will be like until you message them. It doesn't hurt to ask about their experience with sexuality when calling or emailing for an appointment.
I still am uncomfortable with the idea of therapy. Even though it's working now, I know the horror stories first hand of bad therapists. But I will say that the right therapist is worth the effort of looking. I hope this helps Betsy. :)
So you see, if I could find someone to understand all of that (and more) properly, then I knew bdsm and polyamory wouldn't be an issue. Who I am as a whole reflects the parts. It's easy to pick up the power exchanges, why they work, and how it all fits together. I'm fairly transparent, once you get to know me. Especially so since I met Sir, as He's thrown back the curtains on many a dark place in my mind.
To answer the question a bit more simply, no I didn't go looking for a therapist who was kink friendly. I worried about everything before I met my therapist. I had simply googled therapists in my area and found a site called Psychology Today. Out of everyone, my therapist stood out. He had a picture of him and his dog. Sir told me that it make take some time and various people to find the right person. I finally got lucky, after all these years.
I think most therapists won't be bothered by kink or any of the other odd things any of us are up to in our private lives. I found out that I wasn't the first bdsm person my therapist has seen, and I've broadened his mind about the variety non-monogamous relationships could occur. You'll never know what a therapist will be like until you message them. It doesn't hurt to ask about their experience with sexuality when calling or emailing for an appointment.
I still am uncomfortable with the idea of therapy. Even though it's working now, I know the horror stories first hand of bad therapists. But I will say that the right therapist is worth the effort of looking. I hope this helps Betsy. :)
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