Tuesday, June 17, 2014

For now...

I'm not really back, but I figured I owed y'all more details.

He broke up with me. I can sugarcoat it all I like, but that's the truth of the matter.

It wasn't done maliciously or because he doesn't love me. He wasn't being true to himself. If I had known, I would have put a stop to it. All I ever wanted was for him to be happy, even if it meant giving him up.

To be fair that's not where we stand on the matter. There's a whole lot of neither of us wanting to lose the other. But we're not okay individually. It was never his right to make decisions for me...trying to say I needed this. Back up about five feet from that thought. I can accept that I am a mess, but ultimately I decide whether or not a relationship is harmful to me in the long run. Ugh, men.

It wouldn't have been bad for me. I think anyone who reads this damn thing knows it was incredibly good for me. That he is incredibly good for me. But I can accept that it wasn't good for him, at least not right now.

So, where do we stand with each other? Friends. He has been and will continue to be one of my best friends. The argument could be made that he is my best friend. He's still here.

I'm not going to lie. The last week has been ungodly difficult. Not just with this, but grief has this unfortunate habit of calling upon on past pains in my mind. He's been very worried about me, and has done everything he can to help. This is why he is awesome.

Oh don't get me wrong. He acted like a total idiot by not telling me that due to certain outside factors being in a relationship with me was causing an inner meltdown. And then even after he recognized it, he still tried to make it work. Whatever points he gets for that, he loses in the category of things to never, ever do.

He is a good man who made a very silly decision to put my wants ahead of his inner needs. He's arguing the point of being a good man but he doesn't get to decide how I view him. Ha.

We're taking one day at a time. It's all we can do for now.

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