Thursday, September 25, 2014

Peeking In

I am alive, and fairly well. Life has been busy and chaotic lately, which won't slow down until some time in November. At least as of this point. It may not slow down again until the new year. Given that it's September, I'm exhausted thinking about it.

Friends of mine in the home state are getting married in November. I'm part of the bridal party so I have to be there, doing all sorts of other things besides the wedding itself. Between July and November, I'll have been there 5 times. Given that it's 3 hours away...ugh. But it's worth it. That's what I have to keep telling myself. At least my friend picked out a pretty dress and color for us bridesmaids to wear, lol!

Steve has been just as busy. He's involved with a musical production, so I don't expect to see him again until mid-October. Also why I've been away from here. This reminds me of him, and with how busy we've both been, it was too painful to write.

I tried getting into the dating scene. Let's just call that the disaster it is and move on, lol. I made a friend out of it. He's fun, though he reminds me of an ex. Not in a bad way, just in a "I learned my lesson and that doesn't work" way. Look at me actually learning lessons. Ha!

I've been way more social again though. Reconnecting with friends. Going out and doing things with people. Not being a hermit. I miss being a hermit. I had all the time to do things. My gardens are completely neglected. I'm sure my neighbors are cringing as much as I am.

Therapy is going well. I'm working through things as much as possible. The depression is still nowhere in sight, thankfully. There was a really bad panic...episode? I don't want to call it an attack as I was still somewhat coherent. This was last month when I had a friend visit. We were painting part of my dining room and Steve stopped by because I wanted them to meet. They accidentally found a deep rooted trigger in that I don't like being talked about. I don't know what specifically they did to trigger it, but I'm well aware of what it pulled up.

I have some recent thoughts about triggers and memories. Why they happen in specific situations. It's not like I'm triggering all the time. It has to do with mental cohesion; more to the point trying to put it all back together again. I think...

So yeah, this is what I've been up to. Nothing terribly exciting. Just life and living and being busy with those.