This isn't the first time I've said, "No one else could ever compare" and "How could I move on?" yet I tend to fall easily into a new relationship shortly after one has ended. Even if I don't, by now I should be interested in someone else. Maybe it's good for me, this space of just being myself--not part of a couple.
Yes, yes. I am still dating Chris and Lisa. But it's different as I'm not a primary partner for Lisa. Chris and I don't work as primary partners. I don't get to see him all the time. So I'm not "single" but I feel single. I'm not sure if that makes sense.
Is he my kryptonite, as Kitty suggests? I don't have an answer to that.
In my mind, I still interchange Steve/Sir. I have a harder time not doing it here. Because if anyone in my life has ever earned that, it's him.
Funnily enough, I'm helping a friend with her relationship issues. She's not getting her needs met, by any stretch of the imagination. I've been telling her how she deserves to be happy and not settle. She has too much of her life ahead of her to settle.
Am I trying to settle for him? Because the good is so good, am I overlooking the conflicts?
Maybe. I don't know.
I do know that I can't imagine sharing as much with anyone else. He warned me that he would be a consuming influence on my life. That's the understatement of a lifetime. He's the fire that burned through masks, walls, lists of personal choices. All of it. The hidden me followed him through the dark abyss to the light. Being myself around him has mattered more than any pain or panic attack. I have an uncharacteristic honest streak when it come to him.
Maybe I'm the moth that burnt up by getting too close to the light. Or maybe the light is a source of joy and happiness.
I guess only time will tell.