Monday, October 3, 2016

Taste buds? Who needs those! Fml

So fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkk.

My taste buds are screwed up. Some things I just can't taste anymore. Like I literally can't taste things. What the fuck.

I don't know if I can blame medications. Which one to blame. I don't even know which doctor to call. But I need to call someone because my taste buds have both changed and some have fucking disappeared.

I was, key word was, willing to try another medication. No. Nooooo. Not until I have my taste buds back. Mango, kiwi, and lime are gone. Gone. I don't know what else is missing. Oh, and some things taste like the wrong things. Like something strawberry based tasting like cranberry...

Blueberry though, heh. That has never been more potent. And tastes like heaven because I can taste it. Brown sugar is another winner that just pops.

I guess I have to call my psychiatrist's office and tell them about this wtf stuff. Abilify can do this. But so can gabapentin. I've been abilify since Sept 16th. It seems odd that it would start now but who knows with withdrawal symptoms. I'm on a good amount of gabapentin though. If it's that, I need to call my neurologist and be like wtf to his office.

And hopefully...hopefully...please let this not be permanent.

This is why I didn't want to be on medications. I hate long term medications. No one frickin believes me that medications and my body don't agree.

My therapist was saying all medications come with side effects and it's about learning to live with them. NO! This has become unacceptable. I went through two months, at least, of withdrawal from cymbalta which I'd rather had drunk myself into a stupor with the worst hangover of my life every night for two months than have done that.

I've gotten migraines from the very medication that is supposed to have stopped them because I was put on too high of a dose. The antidepressants have made me so angry that I've wanted to attack and kill people, let alone kept me stuck in a depressive hole.

Now I fucking can't taste things. This has been over the course of less than two years.

I am so tempted to say fuck it to doctors. I'm ready to be done. Like I have enough problems with my body and my mind/brain that I don't need them adding more to it.

If it's not clear, I'm ready to snap. That's a very bad place for me to be.

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