Lost

It's been a long several weeks. My head is all out of sorts. Sir has become my rock over the last year but even He hasn't been able to get through too much. Eventually my mind will remember that He's my light, hopefully sooner rather than later. Yep, the depression is back and deeply set in.  *sighs*

The last time we were together, it didn't really go well either. He was distracted and it came off badly. We've since sorted it out but it's settled under my skin. It's become something else my mind can use against me. Not to mention that I've been flashing back and triggering again. This weekend just sucked. Between that and barely sleeping 5 hours every night, and taking care of a toddler, I would just really like to forget it all.

There's absolutely no kink going on. Not on Fetlife or groups or friends or Sir and I. Just completely devoid of kink. Devoid of sex. Though after this weekend, I don't think I even want to get off for a while.

I wish I had things to talk about, I really do. It's just so fucked up in my head that I can't even write informative posts. I have no interest in any of it. Curl up for a few weeks and see if the world looks a little brighter. I highly doubt it but maybe. Sir would say I need to be positive, that it would help. I'm simply not there.

So I'm sorry I don't have better things for y'all to read. I haven't even been keeping up with y'alls blogs either. I can't read about all the kink right now. It makes me sad, and believe me I don't need more of that. Maybe it'll be alright in time. Until then, I'll be lurking around now and then.