It's already been a very long week, after a previously long week. I've been out in the gardens getting them ready for the season. It's hard, fulfilling work that leaves me with a lot of time to think. Also, I bought a new book recently on ethics, specifically for those who follow some aspect of modern paganism. When, Why...If It's a good read; I'm about half way through it. Maybe when I'm done I'll write more about it.
Yesterday's introspection was interesting. I'm struggling with the whole idea of submission, likely because I'm upending the status quo inside my mind. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that even if I could give it up, I wouldn't want to do that.
My sexuality is buried under the normal layers of society and having been raised Catholic. Then there are more personal, traumatic layers. What BDSM does is strip all of that away. It makes sense that I sometimes trigger during play, as the walls come up and are shattered. The person I am underneath all of that is one heck of a good time. Sexy, teasing, sensual, obedient, pleasing, and satisfying. That right there is my raw sexuality, and isn't that really why we do all of this? The freedom to fulfill whatever our hearts and minds truly desire.
So while submission may feel like skin that doesn't fit right (at the moment), it'll settle in again. And well, it doesn't take very much at all to have me eagerly begging, especially with Sir. :-D