I'm really sorry I haven't been writing lately. Here or anywhere. I've not been right in my own head. I saw it coming for about 2-3 months now. Earlier this month, I even brought up the idea of antidepressants and I hate everything about the idea of those.
I see my therapist tomorrow afternoon. I don't know how that conversation is going to go...I'm scared. That's not something I admit very often. I feel like the fire burning within that keeps me going is dying out.
I wanted to let y'all know that I'm still around. I have a lot to say but this isn't the place to say it. It's really bad in my mind right now and that doesn't need to be here. I'm not reading much these days either.
Steve's worried. Of course he is. He's the only one who knows how bad it truly is, and without being in my mind, he can only guess. Even he doesn't know that I've been thinking about an inpatient or a daily outpatient program for the last month. The thought of doing something like that makes me want to tear my skin off, so that should tell you that this is bad.
On the plus side, I always write some really amazing poetry and short stories when I'm in this kind of mindset. Dark, but great. Maybe once I'm not quite so awful, I'll share some of that here.
I just want to say thank you to everyone who reads this and has been with me over the last two years. I appreciate it, more than you'll ever know.