Choices

I've had to shift my internal concept of obedience. Let me tell y'all, Sir has a very different idea of obedience than past Doms of mine. Now, ever Dom is different, but I always found those with similar styles and patterns. Honestly there was no planning with that; they're just similar when it comes to views of submission.

Sir?? Hahahhaha, oh heavens no. Sir is nothing like them. Pretty sure that would make Him smile. I don't think He thinks anything nice about any of them...

I mainly notice the difference these days in small moments. Like when Sir and I were playing on Sunday, as He was poking all of my buttons. What I don't think I mentioned, when He wanted me centered and to calm down the inner fire, all He had to say was "You're a good girl."  Yep, that's all it took. Ooo, and then He gently wrapped His fingers around my wrists...I am that easy for Him, LOL!

 I'm fire and passion when He wants those, submissive and affectionate when He wants that instead.

It's been a challenge for me. That man is so patient. Sir realizes He could dominate any and all aspects, or at least He should. I would walk any path He set us on. His style is to take these tiny, little pieces and focus on those. Intentional or not, He removes all settings that used to exist and rewires them. It's only later on that I realize anything has changed.

He'd argue everything is a choice. We were actually talking about it last night. And yes, Sir couldn't actually make me do anything I found questionable. But the rest of it? I chose a long time ago to have His opinions and concern matter to me. Sometimes, I still fight Him on things but not as much as before. There's more trust and acceptance.

Most of the time I fight because He pushes and challenges me. Oh the choice is always mine, and in that regard He's right, but y'all know disappointment and frustration hurt more than any punishment. If anyone else told me half the things He does, I think I would have snapped at them a long time ago. I resist change, even my therapist tells me that. With Sir, I've accepted that not all change is bad. (at least that's the mantra I keep repeating in my head...most days it helps, lol)

I've been that extremely obedient sub before. Maybe that's more fun to read about?? :-P

In general, it's also not who I am. In small doses, sure. When I'm not getting tongue tied. Why does He take such frickin pleasure in making me actually say out loud everything that it's my mind?? Sadist...

My past D/s relationships had set the tone for what I thought all those would look like, if I were involved. I think I tried to make myself into something I'm not. If I have to hide and bury my strong personality for someone to dominate me, it's not really D/s is it? Whereas with Sir, He welcomes the challenge. He loves verbal exchanges (which is why He enjoys hearing me say all the naughty things I want, the above was rhetorical).

I could be my strongest, my best and He'd be able to dominate me with ease. I see what You've been doing, Sir. It only took me this long, lol.

And the funniest part of all this? He's not really trying to be dominant most of the time. He'd say that He's being a good friend, trying to help me to heal. Become more whole. Which is even funnier, because I read about Doms doing just that with their subs, both here among bloggers and on Fetlife. I always thought I understood what that meant. Then I met Sir, and began the true comprehension of what it means to heal, knowing someone fully has my back.

Maybe we don't fit into "typical" molds of Dom and sub. That's alright. We are the choices we make, and I think those speak clearly enough on their own. :-)