Friday, November 25, 2016

A normal relationship? Me?

My phone buzzes; I no longer expect it to be him. So that's some kind of progress. There's still the occasional dream where Steve and/or Chris are there. Yeah, it's been almost two years since I broke up with Chris, but the total loss of contact and friendship is still on my mind. I know I love too deeply and care too strongly to ever forget them. It's not like I've forgotten the others...

The pain is fading. Every day is a little easier than the last. It's a strange thing to miss people who are good people and yet be healthier without them. I've lost friends for the same reason. Romantic partners are simply harder for me to emotionally detach from.

Chris will never come back to even say hello to try to reclaim a friendship. Not only because of the breakup but from other circumstances around the same time. From his perspective and knowing him so well, I can't say I blame him for his choices.

If y'all haven't been able to tell from over the years, Steve is about respecting personal choice when it doesn't conflict with his personal ethical code. We all know how well that works out, heh. But in this matter, he will respect my good bye and don't expect to ever hear from me as final. He'll never push or test that boundary. It makes him an honorable man in many ways.

So, two closed doors that might as well be walls at this point.

As for current situations, some personal issues came to a head last night between Frank and I. We'll be fine and were able to talk things out. It's general life problems people have who live together. We have plans and we'll work on them. Honestly, it's all incredibly healthy and normal.

I'm used to...not this. That's why I don't bring up Frank all that often, even with my therapist. There's nothing to talk about, unless y'all want to hear about the mundane life of two people who do pretty normal things.

Kink has been put on hold due to health issues on my end. I do have an appointment with a geneticist in January, which will hopefully answer a few questions from other doctors and myself.

Medical insurance has been squared away for next year and I won't lose my therapist. That was a very real concern. January might be tough because I now have co-pays. I never did before. This plan is a little weird, not for that, but it's unlike anything I've ever been covered by in my life. It's a great plan, but I had to have someone explain it for 30 minutes on the phone.

No news yet on taste and why it's missing. Everyone (but the doctor who prescribes it) is kind of pointing to one of my meds so I may have to slowly come off and see what happens. I'm sure that will have interesting withdrawal symptoms. Joy.

I know this is a bit all over the place, but it has been a while. I need to work on that. One of these days.

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