Imperfect

There was one squee worthy thought in my last post that I didn't touch upon because it would have overtaken the rest of the fun. So what am I talking about?

Well, first you need some background information. When I'm around Sir, I'm always put together. Not high maintenance by any means but I have my hair tamed, nice clothing, most of the time make-up on. All the things people do to make a good appearance and to be more desirable.

Yes, He has woken up next to me but that's different. I think He's only seen me not give a shit of what I look like once, when I was having a god awful period a couple months ago. That day, I did not care about anything and He was going to have to live with it. To His credit, He was perfect. That was a one off kind of situation.

So when He wanted me to come over after gardening all day? Ummm, even in gardening clothing? I'm sure there was still dirt on me in several places...

He did and basically eluded to sexy fun times. He didn't care. Not only did He not care, apparently I was still attractive to Him.

That's a big deal and pretty damn fantastic. It's one thing to be found attractive when I'm trying, but a whole other level when I'm just me on an average day.

*squeeeeee*

I was allowed to be imperfect. That level of acceptance is going to do wonders for my self-image and self-esteem. I really do love that man and how He continues to surprise me, in a good way.

Pushing Boundaries

Evil, god damn sadist!

I loved every second of it....jerk. :-P

Sir invited me over yesterday for a couple hours before He had to go off to do other things in the evening. I was already in a happy place because when I was dragging my feet about pulling weeds outside earlier in the day, Sir helped motivate me. I finished that a little before Sir texted me about coming over.

So I made sure He was alright with me in garden clothes, probably still had dirt on me somewhere. He said that He didn't care, and was alluding to some sexy fun times happening today.

They did happen. But He made me work for every last inch. It was a toss between a personal growth moment and the fact that I apparently amuse the hell out of Sir when I'm put in situations that make me slightly uncomfortable.

I don't initiate things. I talk too much. I flail. I think too much. All the uncomfortable feelings of having the illusion of being in control. I'm not stupid. It was an illusion, nothing more. Even that...ugh.  *flail*

I worked for every last little inch that He outright told me was going to happen. Every kiss, every article of clothing that was removed, what would come next and how. That was all me because that's what He wanted.

It wasn't until I begged for Him to fuck me--I didn't care how, just that it needed to happen--that He dropped the illusion and took full control. He took me right there on the floor. It was fantastic. The moment His cock was inside me, it didn't matter how long we had sex or if I had an orgasm.

I was already riding the waves of bliss. He teased and played with my mind, a very sadist game of torture that I had to be fully involved in--throw myself into the fire willingly. And really, nothing makes me hotter or happier than when He fucks with my mind. Just at the edge of being in control of things, He takes back full control and claims what it His.

I couldn't have asked for more. It's something I never would have thought of in any fantasy, and of course the reality was so much better for it.

During all this, I kept telling Him how lucky He was. I'd never push myself into such an emotionally vulnerable...stretchy...situation for anyone else. And He is lucky to have me.

I'm luckier. :-)

Personality Differences

There's a new tab up above that I've been meaning to add for ages. It's fairly straightforward of who people are and how long they've been around. I'm fairly certain it was Blondie who commented about being very confused by all the people. I hope that helps.

I forget that you all aren't in my head with me, having access to years of memories. Don't worry, I do the same thing with Sir...and my therapist for that matter. It's a personality quirk of mine. It even happened yesterday. I thought something was common knowledge and apparently I obfuscated the issue. Something I excel at, by the way.

Anyway, I saw Sir on Tuesday evening. He essentially handed me a book to read about personality types. It was quite fascinating, and based on Myers Briggs and Keirsey. I was a fraction away from either a ENFJ or an ENTJ. The key difference between the two is empathy and how those types influence the people around them. ENFJ is all empathy and compassion, gentle guidance. ENTJ is no nonsense, my way or you're wrong.

What surprised me was Sir saw far more of the ENTJ in me. And it really does go to show that I'm very different around different people. How I treat adults (including myself) and how I treat children are night and day. Around children and animals, I'm the eternal mother. We can work out the problem until it's fixed. Around adults? Hahaha, it's my way. Because I'm right and I know better.

Except when I don't. And Sir gives me looks. Because He knows better. I love you, Sir. *smiles and bats eyes*

This is because as I was reading this book, one personality type had me laughing so hard because it was Sir. INTJ, otherwise known as the mastermind. He has literally said things to me nearly word for word that are part of that personality. Like, once something is known? It's known and doesn't have to be reestablished.

It explains so much about Him. Once He establishes a baseline, that's how it is until He changes it. If there are no active changes, then everything still stands as it was before. Which is maddening to someone like me, because I need updates on information. Even if nothing has changed, I still want confirmation because I need to know that I'm working with the most current information.

This is the very reason why I worry about things between us when He doesn't. Nothing has changed for Him so He doesn't see why I worry. Whereas I worry because nothing has been established for the present, only the past. What was then doesn't mean what is now, though I'll have to adjust because that how He works.

If we ever drive each other insane, it'll be for that reason. Thankfully, I'm not a pure ENTJ (who is funnily enough the Fieldmaster) and can switch on the high empathy to work out issues in a peaceful context...instead of taking over the world and setting on fire that which displeases me. :-P

That's what we had fun talking about on Tuesday. Nothing terribly kinky until He was teasing me next to my car. Rubbing me through the skirt just enough to tempt me. Sadist...