Monday, September 16, 2013


We're misunderstanding each other...again. Extremely upset that this has become the ongoing story of us.

It makes me want to lock up all my thoughts. Just nod and smile. That's so much easier, right? Then there are no issues.

And anyone who has ever known me would laugh at that. Duct tape isn't a guarantee of silence. Isn't that why we were given tongues, to push duct tape off?

Yeah, I'm in a mood.

I can't say anything else because I don't want to make an already complicated situation worse.

I'm frustrated because He doesn't seem to understand me, at all. Even if He thinks He does, I'm entirely unconvinced of that at this point. Because for the past year, He's accused me of doing things that I'm not doing.

Believe me, if I wanted the things He claims I wanted, I'd have had them a year ago in someone else. But I will not apologize for wanting to have addressed all of this months ago. It should have been done and over with.

He thinks we keep having the same conversations. We're most certainly not, but that would explain why we're not getting anywhere. The same few answers aren't going to solve anything. And telling me we'll deal with it later is not a fucking answer. Yes, we very well may have to deal with it later as well. Doesn't change the fact that it needs to be addressed now. That all of this needed to be addressed months ago.

Ugh, men! Last night, I was so ready to say I'm done. That I was done with this, with everything. I don't want to go to bed crying most nights. I don't deserve that. I'm tired of trying and having that seen as something wrong or bad. I'm tired of trying to make someone else happy, and no matter what I do, it's not right.

This is probably more than I should share but I don't care anymore. This is my space and if He doesn't like it, well that's just too damn bad.

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