Out of Sight, Out of Mind

I swear it has not felt like 6 days since I last posted...

It's the end of April?! Where is this year going???

I'm not really that old to be losing this much time. Or have as much white hair as I do. Not grey, white. Can I get a refund or speak to management about this issue?

I dyed my hair red. Not auburn, but red. And not crayola red either. It's natural looking but more wild than I've gone with a color previously. I like it and I have the added bonus of others liking it as well. If they didn't...oh well. My hair. So unsubmissive sounding, but then it's not had an outlet.

It's been more like this...

And this...

I've been Lisa's rock because she needs it. I will hopefully be seeing Chris in a month but we've not been catching up much lately.

Sir...I haven't seen Him since the beginning of the month. And when He mentioned getting together this upcoming week, He expected me to be full of evil ideas. When in all honesty, I got excited because I get to see Him. There wasn't a thought toward sex or kink.

I feel like I've thrown in that towel. Nope, not having it. Chris told me I was being a good housewife because of all the spring cleaning I've been doing. My reaction was "ugh", essentially. I want to do it for me. I want my house sparkling clean because I want it that way. Not because it'll be pleasing to someone else.

Fuck that shit!! Lol

I've been gardening and getting a new raised vegetable garden around. It's been awesome. It's all me and my ideas. Everything that I want without anyone getting in my way or being involved. Or any of that.

I don't want to be submissive or pleasing or anything. I don't even want to be sexual. Put it all in a box. Shove it to the side for a while. Out of sight, out of mind. It feels more like an inconvenience. I'm tired of feeling wistful and wanting.

Part of this could have to do with the emotional shifts of whatever is going on in my mind (brain?) at the moment. Last night I was feeling settled. Today I feel restless. So who really knows what tomorrow will bring.

Until then, I'll be doing this for the evening:

Maybe one of these days I'll have something actually interesting to write about here.