Maybe there is something to the whole "shininess." Steve and I were talking about this before I went on vacation. He was trying to convince me that I'm special. He told me to look in the mirror and try to see myself from an outside perspective. Maybe then I'd see what everyone else sees.
I realized something. I would never, ever hold what has happened to people against them. Why would anyone do that to me? I would see their strengths and tenacity to endure. If someone went through any of the moments I'd been through, I'd give them hugs and tell them how amazing they are to have gotten through something like that.
And then, to not be jaded? To have empathy and sympathy for others, even after all that?
Okay, to be fair I can concede that point.
I am one of the friendliest, most welcoming people. I can make friends easily with extreme introverts who rarely ever make friends, which I did last week. There's something about me that people feel comfortable around me. I'm not entirely sure what that is, but I can recognize that there is something there.
Apparently I'm fun to be around. I guess because I'm just being myself, I don't see the big deal. Idk?
Ya know, it's really frustrating when Steve is right. Because he's correct so much of the time. This is also me giving credit where it's due. Seeing myself from a different perspective has been helpful. There were other factors that poked me into looking, but it started with him. Just as most things start with him poking and prodding and being super helpful...absolutely frustrating.
I will keep listening to him because as much as he drives me crazy with how right he always is, he's only looking out for me. Wants the best for me. Even when he's not my Dom...it's still who he is and always will be. Whether he wants to admit it or not. With a parental attitude piled on top.
He'll never say it but this is exactly what he's thinking: "I know what's best for you, so you should just listen and do what I'm telling you already. You can thank me later."
It would be so maddening if I didn't actually end up thanking him for all the progress and pushing and growth. No, it's still maddening, but I can't exactly complain too much about it. Steve says I'm special and to look. I look and he's right. I'll probably be saying that again and again as new things come to mind.
It's a really good thing that I love him. :-P
this too is something I struggle with all the time. We are our own worst enemies. It is very hard to here how great we are when we won't tell ourselves that it could be true.
ReplyDeleteI totally get where you are coming from & well said!