I deleted my last post because it was a moment of weakness spurred by an emotional time of year combined with dreams that pulled on old parts of my life. But that's no longer the point. It doesn't matter if I miss Chris or Steve.
Why? I've said it before and it bares repeating. I deserve better.
I deserve people to whom I matter regularly, not just when it's convenient. I deserve people who don't have anger issues. I deserve good people who make my life better, not cause more problems. Not bring me to such a deep fucking depression that I nearly ended up killing myself.
Which is what started this whole terrible path of medication. Another med to cross off the list. Abilify sucked ass. So I'm off that. I think I'm done with meds. I'm done with people. I have a select few who matter. I am comfortable with myself for the first time in a long time and that matters more than any amount of people.
I'm tired of taking care of other people. Putting them first. All in the name of "friendship." I'm taking care of me and that's what really matters.