Safewords

A post over on FL had me thinking about safewords and the responsibility of all the people participating in a scene. The post can be found here. I thought it was very well said, given that safewords cause many who use them to be looked down upon. Oh the leaders of community talk a good game, no doubt. "These are the [standard] safewords. Play safe!" The truth is I've never seen someone safeword out of a scene. I have heard an occasional "yellow" but it's been a rarity. I've heard protests ignored as people were coerced to play with implements and in ways they very obviously didn't feel comfortable with.

I've had my safeword unheard at a friend's party. Because he brought out an object that causes very terrible things to my head space and other people had to explain quite loudly that it was an extremely hard limit for me. I've had someone interrupt my conversation with Sir to discuss said limit-object and was outright ignored. Apparently I was supposed to leave if I didn't like it. Then I had to explain why it was such a hard limit to have the person stop talking about it.

I've also been in a mindset where I couldn't safeword. I couldn't even form coherent sentences but only noises. Someone interrupted the scene I was in and because I was only making noises, no one thought there was any problem. Sir could tell you otherwise, from conversations after that. But no one stopped anything, not even Sir. He wasn't aware there was a problem. I think I may have managed a "No" and "Stop" but those aren't "standard" safewords. I also don't know if I said them loud enough to be heard because it was at a party.

I'm pretty sure Sir will never let anyone ever interrupt a scene or play again without my or His consent. Hopefully we all learned from that night. This is why there's so much noise about never putting yourself in someone else's scene. Because while it may not be a limit and even enjoyable, there was no negotiation or consent given. It's also never a good idea to surprise your sub or bottom with an additional person in your scene (unless that's something you've talked about, including the specific person or persons).

I have been in plenty of head space's where I couldn't have fathomed to utter my safeword. Why? Because sub space is one interesting place where reason and coherency often don't exist. I'll also admit that I have on occasion taken more than I could handle in terms of pain because I didn't want to use my safeword. I wanted to be stronger, better, more pleasing. I wanted to give the Top freedom to hurt me as much and as hard as they wanted.

I know my readers are mainly those who play with their significant others. I doubt many of you play in public or private events. That's fine and to each their own. But these situations can occur in your own bedroom too. I'm sure subs can attest to not being very coherent during play. Or taking more than they may have wanted in order to please their partner.

Safewords are not the answer to keeping a scene 100% safe. There is no such thing in BDSM. We play to hurt. We play to poke at wounds of all types. We play with power exchanges that are so deep it's frightening. These are inherently unsafe. We use safewords, or their equivalent of a motion, to make things safer. We get to know each other on complex and deep levels so to have a better understanding of what exactly is being exposed during play. These are necessary steps to make harm less likely, but not impossible.


So for you Doms, Tops, Masters, etc: Safewords are NOT the end-all, be-all!!!!

If you see your bottom, sub, slave is incoherent and deep in subspace, be careful how you tread from that point forward. That's on you to be aware of the signs when that occurs. This is not a time to push limits, unless you negotiated that prior to the scene starting. That is the time to watch every movement and know how to read the person in front of you. It would be better for you to wind down the scene if you're uncertain, then go forward and do damage to the other person. Because that is playing safer.

It's on everyone in a scene and while playing to keep things safe. It's why I believe safewords, verbal and non, are important. I know people who don't play with them, but I never play without one because 98% I've used one, it's had the desired effect. It's one more way to protect myself and those involved from unintentional harm. But in no way should safewords be used as the sole protection from harm in a scene.

Our Weekend Adventures

Where to begin? We're both quite worn out and very happy. He left this morning as there was laundry to do as well as a meeting later this afternoon. And by leaving this morning, I mean I barely let Him leave at 11:30.

My cats approve of Him. For those who have pets, you know what I mean when I say that their judgement is pretty damn important. My cats are shy, reserved creatures. My night owl of a cat was downstairs yesterday hanging out with us. She doesn't even do that with me! The other one curled up in between Sir's legs last night. When He told me about that this morning, my heart swelled. That's just so cute!

Okay, for the parts you really want to hear about. Yes, we had our scene on Friday night. It didn't quite go the way we expected. The mood went from a break-in that was going to be filled with lots of fun to the middle of a horror movie. As soon as Sir began channeling Jack Nicholson's Joker, that's when I began crying and internally freaking out. He was trying to play mind games with me and it didn't quite translate.

Everything up to that was a lot of fun. I have lovely aches everywhere to show for it. I definitely resisted and fought back, which was fun. Apparently I liked it a bit too much as He had me on the couch at one point, fucking me hard and I was so wet that He couldn't get any traction. Heh, I ended up begging for Him to fuck me up in the ass once He had moved there. He teased me something terrible about how wanton I was.

The play only lasted about 2 hours, then we unwound for dinner. I was in a weird head space. Sir had decided that He couldn't continue on that way. It wasn't working for Him. I think when I started crying, it cut right down into Him. That man really is too sweet. He's not a mean nor heartless person. He can't even pretend to be one.

I realized that I like resisting, but ultimately I don't want it to be a stranger. I want it to be Sir. If we play aggressively with resistance again, the mood will be very different. Because it is fun fighting back, but I eventually want to give Him everything. And I couldn't help but inhale His aroma every time He got close to me. As I was crying I clung to Him, even as He was the one scaring me. I couldn't pretend because deep down I knew He was the man I'm madly in love with. The man who is my rock and strength.

We went to bed Friday night after lots of great sex. Woke up to more excellent sex. I got to have fun sucking His cock. And wildly fucking Him from on top, lol. That was fun! We also spent a good part of the night cuddled up together. So nice!

Yesterday we vegged and watched movies. He has all of "Who's line is it anyway?" on His laptop which we watched as we wound down for the night. One of the ones we watched was the unusual roommates of Bill Cosby and Hitler episode. I highly recommend watching that, lol. Honestly we just snuggled and reconnected on the couch for most of the day. It was wonderful to spend that time together.

Before He left this morning, we had some heart to heart stuff. Because I still have my doubts at times. Am I good enough? Does He miss me when we're not together? Which He helped calm some of those fears. He said that He missed me already, and He hadn't even left yet. I understood what He meant as I felt the same.

It was a much needed weekend for us. Bonding and bringing us back together. And I get to see Him on Tuesday! None of this waiting a month to see Him bullshit. Overall the weekend was pretty damn amazing and I can't wait to see Him in two days. As I do miss Him so much already.

What awaits me on Friday

He is an evil, sadistic man!! We've been sorting out more details for Friday night. I am willingly handing myself over to Him for a wild night of depravity. And believe me, it will be quite depraved!

It's no longer just a home invasion scenario. No, it got taken up a notch or two. He'll become a stranger, who has watched me and waited. Seen all of my dirty little secrets. Knows that I'm deviant. Finally can't resist anymore and breaks in to have the object of His obsession.

A cold and heartless man who will do whatever He pleases with me. Dark, humiliating, degrading things.

Oh my fear is quite real. I've seen Him reign in during a scene. That is enough to leave me shaking and breathless. I can't even imagine the man who will be walking into my home on Friday.

Furthermore, I have instructions on how to be prepared for Him on Friday. Besides the clothing to wear, my hair will be done up nicely as well as make-up. To aid in the ruining of me. It'll be set as if He's walking in on me having a private scene with self-bondage. My legs will be tied up pretty, and effectively so I will be helpless. Hands cuffed behind my back. Blindfold and collar on. Plugged and playing with a vibrator in my pussy.

That's how He'll find me. Helpless and ready to be tormented. Exactly how He likes me. Then He'll do terrible things to me. Lots of terrible plans, some of which I gave Him the ideas for. Sometimes I'm too helpful for my own good.

It's going to be an amazing time. Filled with more orgasms than I'll know what to do with. His plan is to have me be a quivering, incoherent mess by Saturday evening. Pretty sure He'll get there before Friday night is out.

I trust Him. I have to in order to go forward with a scene like that. But yes, I am very much nervous and afraid. Emotions that He plans on taking full advantage of come Friday.