Anything

I was thinking back to a play party from the spring time the other morning. Overall it was a very fun day, and there are plenty of fond memories. One came to mind though, which I've been mulling over ever since. All I remember is that I wanted something, from that party. I'm not sure what I asked or possibly begged for. I was a touch out of it at the time. I do remember someone asking me what I'd do to get whatever it is that I wanted. I replied, "Anything." The three of them smirked and taunted me at my answer. Who were those people? Sir, Kevin, and Rebecca. Frickin sadists, lol!!

Remembering that little incident, I got to thinking about where I draw personal lines and what that answer of "anything" means to me. If it's not obvious, I trust all three of them not to intentionally harm me, and if something should accidentally happen, help put me back together. Sir has a deeper trust level overall in my day to day life, but as far as play goes, we've talked enough that expectations are set. I also know that I wouldn't have uttered my "anything" answer if Sir hadn't been present at the time. That is reserved for my D/s relationships.

Past Doms, and even Sir to some extent, haven't liked the "anything" answer in reply to what I'd be willing to do. Now you'd think it would inflate their egos, but Doms tend to like specifics. It's very hard to be creative and interesting when one's mind is half floating away in pleasure. That should be noted and taken into consideration. That's all I'm saying about that, lol. However, I understand the perspective of the Dom in that situation.

Contrary to what that "anything" might seem to suggest, it's not an all encompassing word that delves into insane or harmful situations. By the point I'd say that as a response, negotiations and trust have been established. Limits have been discussed. I know Sir isn't about to do something batshit crazy when we play, no matter what I say. So I don't have to say "I'd do anything but x, y, and z" because x, y, and z have already been established.

I've seen this argument for full time slavery thrown about. If a sub doesn't trust their dom not to break limits or stay within consensual realms of interactions, then it's not BDSM or kink, it's abuse. The whole "You'd let your Dom/Master break your arm if he asked?? Because you said 'anything' goes" is just fucking stupid. We play in consent. The endless what-ifs are bullshit and unnecessary.

So it goes for my "anything". In those moments where Sir would ask what I'd give? There is no limit or tit for tat. I'd give Him anything He'd ask for because it's what I want. It's what I signed up for, heh. He would only have to ask, and it's His. There's no "well, today I'm willing to do this." That's not how I function, it's not what relationships are for me. Forget the whole kink aspects, and that's still how I am.

That's what love looks like, right? Love is putting someone else above your own needs, wants, and desires. Love is about focusing on the other person instead of yourself. Why would a power exchange relationship that is clearly supposed to enhance those feelings, why would it be any different? It's not, that's why.

I'd give Sir whatever He desires because I wouldn't ever hold back on Him. So that little word of "anything" is far more powerful and meaningful than I could ever express. I know it's been seen as a flippant answer in the past, but it's one I won't give unless I truly mean it.

Neat Freak

Dear Atkins website, 

Two and a half hours of doing anything is a workout, 

even if I was only cleaning at the time. 

Sincerely, a sore but satisfied sub

I have a list that I've barely dented. Granted, I did start the list after finishing several cleaning jobs so they didn't make the list of chores. I was half tempted to add them simply to cross them off to make myself feel better. But that's makes more visual space for the list and I'm a less versus more kind of gal.

This started as a list of things I wanted to do before Sir comes over tomorrow. Just some basic cleaning and straightening. He's a guy. He's not going to notice the small stuff, I think? See now I don't know and He too polite to say anything.

Regardless, my OCD kicked in yesterday and I decided that I'm going to super clean everything in my house from top to bottom. I'm currently working on the kitchen, which I do keep clean. Though I don't always think to dust the lights and wipe down the fridge, or scrub the doors because apparently my hands are filthy when I touch them. Or dust that shelf above the laundry--it is tucked away and under so I can easily ignore the dust and dirt, lol. Wash the windows and ledges, dust the blinds. It's a very long list, just for the kitchen.

It'll likely take me the better part of the week or more to get everything thoroughly cleaned but I'm motivated to do it. When I'm not bogged down by depression, I'm a neat freak. Everything must go in its proper place and be clean. I have another 5 hours of cleaning that I'll be able to get done today (also have to run to the store even though I was just there yesterday, I even had a list! But I forgot some things and need extra for tomorrow). That's probably about all my body will be able to handle before it revolts against me.

Yes, Sir is coming over tomorrow to hang out and have lunch. Though He did tease me by saying that He might be bringing my little friend, and by that He means a gorgeous and glorious glass dildo that I adore. I may have kept myself up a little late last night with fantasies and orgasms because I'm very needy for Sir's touch, kiss, smile...maybe being pinned down to the bed while He whispers half threats, half promises in my ear...Sorry I just spaced out, lol!

Anyway, I decided to spoil Sir with a nice lunch. Home made burgers and fries, with a jalepeno and habenero cheese to top the burgers. And of course some bacon. I'll make up a side salad to pretend to be healthy. For dessert, peanut butter cookies with dark chocolate chips. Mmmmm!!!!

Once last thought: I don't do the housework and cleaning for a "good girl" or praise. It's something that needs to get done. I can't see Sir being the strict disciplinarian that I read about on other blogs, especially about cleaning. But I do miss it now and then. Before Sir, I wasn't only a bedroom sub. Whereas Sir wants me to be more independent and self-sufficient, standing on my own two foot better. He's pushing me into that narrow bedroom submissive position, whether He knows it or not. I am more than capable of running my own life but god help Sir if He ever changes His position on this. That's going to be one hell of a battle. :-P

Replacing Old Scars

I was busy cleaning my house yesterday. There's an ongoing battle with dirt and dust that I'm never going to win. Maybe one of these days I'll come to accept that. Don't worry, I won't bore you with the details of cleaning. :-P

No, instead I want to talk about a dull ache that started yesterday evening. An ex-Dom of mine helped me set up a schedule for managing my house more efficiently. As I was cleaning, I was reminded of that time of my life. And no matter how much I wish otherwise, that ache exists.

I don't regret the relationship, even though Sir thinks it was such a terrible idea. Hindsight is everything. There's an unexpected ache and sadness. I don't much care for it. He wasn't in my life long, no more than a total of 4 months. This was about 2 years ago. He was a strong dominant presence, which is why those 4 months feel more like years. He never demanded submission from me but I knew that if I wanted him to stay in my life that was something I would have to give.

And I did, to levels I never fully explained to anyone. In ways and to depths that no one before or since has come close to reaching with me. I know it all happened much too quickly. I was overwhelmed and eventually when I needed a breath of air to think clearly, it all came apart.

It's as if I can see white scars lacing my flesh where that relationship was violently pulled apart at the seams. Truly it's no wonder that there's an ache.

I've told Sir that freedom doesn't sit well with me. It hasn't since that D/s relationship. So why is it that I'm more comfortable in this relationship with Sir than I've ever been before?

That's the question I've been mulling over for the last few days. We've had our differences, arguments, and misunderstandings. We've both been frustrated with the other. Yet I don't feel any lasting anger or divisions over them, though maybe a touch of sadness when I think back on those moments. That in itself is strange, but maybe explainable.

With the ex I mentioned above, upon reflection it feels like I was wearing a harsh steel collar with a leash continuing to his hand. A pre-made instrument in which I had to fit the mold of what the man wanted in order to keeping wearing it. Keep my place at his side. I couldn't be that person no matter how much I tried. But while it lasted, I never once felt free. If anything, I was too tightly caged up.


I'm all about balance. That's ultimately why past relationships have never worked.

There's also something new. If it's not clear, I'm far from free. I feel the gentle pressure of Sir's ownership at all times. He may not always openly admit it, but it's true. When I'm out with kinky friends, and Sir isn't there, my heart aches for His comforting presence. I often internally filter people's comments. Sir may not order me to tell Him about what kinky things I get into, or what I do. He'll never have to as I'll always give that freely.

I'm Sir's. No way would I let anyone do a damn thing to me that He didn't know about. He has said He believes in free will. Doesn't want to take my choices away. My choice is to belong to Him, with all that entails. :)

I realize there's a new collar and leash I sense. A soft, strong collar woven out of trust, time, and respect. But the links of the chains in the leash are fragile. Easily damaged and broken. Each built with each step forward. Sometimes we pull too hard in either direction, fracturing the links. And those rare occasions where we've both pulled away from one another. We've come back each time to heal and mend what's been broken. Each time making the links just a little bit stronger.

I may stand proudly, even defiantly most of the time. "Me? Bend before another?" with a skeptical look. I defy Doms on a regular basis. More than with just Doms, I put myself in the line of fire at any given time. I'm opinionated and stubborn strong willed. I'm no passive submissive and I'm definitely no doormat.

Sir accepts all of that and more. I think He may enjoying watching. I'm certain I amuse Him. Hehe! It takes a strong man to command a personality like mine. I had an idea of what that would look like. But it's been Sir who managed it best. With His slow and steady pace, His patience for me, every deliberate step He took and continues to takes. His is not an overt strength of power. It's a deeper bond and connection.

As with everything, Sir has been my greatest source of healing. Though scars of the past may linger for now, and there is the occasional ache of pain, He will do what He does best. The scars will fade. The ache will become a distant memory. Something new and far better is already replacing them.

Love, strength, protection. :)

The Shifts of Power, The Shifts in Us

I have what I feel is an interesting post waiting in the drafts. I'm having Sir look over it first. For one, I'm not terribly sure it's long enough. Honestly, it feels like one of the topics I could write an essay on. Too many literature and writing classes have my mind wired to present topics versus simply writing on them. I think I pared it down to a manageable level without losing the intended effect. Also, I had Sir look at it first because it was not something I wanted to spring up on Him. I gave Him the deciding vote on whether it'll end up here or not, which is in a way fitting given the subject matter of the post.

Okay, now I'm just rambling. :P

Lost Kittie and I were chatting about Doms the other day. The reactions they cause in us. How we tend to hang onto their every word. Always looking for some sort of confirmation of acceptance and continued interest. Trusting them to know what the heck they're doing. Which we all know sometimes they don't and need a gentle nudge. It can be difficult though not to step on toes, and even harder, not to crush what is often a fragile ego.

Our conversation sparked a stumbling train of thoughts that led me in circles and a variety of paths. We're going to see where it takes me now. Hope you enjoy the ride. :D

We have this idea of what Doms are, in both the finite and infinite possibilities. For the most part, until we begin to give them control and power over us, we can still see them as an equal. We're hiding safely behind our walls. We've yet to experience the awe of watching the soon-to-be Dom fully clothe himself in power.

The moment the shift occurs, something shifts within us. Suddenly the man has become a little bit more than that. Within the man, there becomes pieces just out of our reach. We find ourselves exposed, piece by piece. Walls are dismantled or come crumbling down. Sometimes they're pushed aside as if they never existed at all. By the very nature of the power exchange relationship, this occurs. Yet what was once equal has tipped, the scales being in his favor.

The Dom reveals what is necessary when he feels it is appropriate. There is no full, complete exposure--definitely not in the way we've unveiled ourselves. We find ourselves no long the masters of our own lives, instead having to turn to another. It is this reversal that leaves us so vulnerable. He has become essential to day to day living because we crave approval, love, acceptance, direction, and even correction.

The simplest of words have power that never would have existed before this relationship. There are symptoms of withdraw when he is gone too long or seemingly becomes distant. This is something the Dom may not even realize, for he cannot sense or feel the constant yearning that is within us. All that independence we're taught to hold so tightly and proudly on to is ripped from our grasp. Their presence in our lives becomes non-negotiable. All our fears and concerns are amplified because the voice inside our own head is no longer the one in control. So we can't completely ease our consciences, instead we need to turn to them to provide that voice of calm and reason.

The changes that occur when power is handed over is specific to an individual. But no one handles it with grace all the time. There is an inherent neediness to being submissive. It can shake the very foundations of who we are. It can cause inner conflicts that may never end up being resolved. Society doesn't teach men or women to be dependent and subservient to another. It doesn't teach us to be selfless towards the needs of our partners. For as selfless it may be to serve a Dom, the same selflessness is required on their part. Whereas we must turn to them to be the voice of reason, they must now be the voice of reason for two.

The shift that occurs, the greatness of the man that we now have in our viewpoint, is necessary. In order to accept that we are not in control of ourselves, our minds make this man into someone above us. There is a slight resemblance to worship in the effects of power exchange. Do we not have our prayers to them, when we are lost and stumbling in this role, to help us find clarity and peace? Do we not trust them--sometimes with childlike innocence, other times with the skepticism and hope that only those with unanswered prayers can.

Yet we must hold in our minds the man they were before the power. Keep them grounded and accountable. To be around and interactive, not some lofty creature we can't relate to. To let them sometimes get on bended knees. To be their rock when they will inevitably stumble. We must see beyond the power we give them, in order to trust that when we offer guidance and support, we won't brushed aside with indifference. To remember they are still the imperfect beings they always were, simply made more complete with the love and obedience we show.

Wow, that escalated quickly! I must still be in the grips of essay writing. Ha! Before anyone goes off, yes I used male Doms. It's easier with writing to stick to a specific gender. This in no way insinuates that women can't be Doms. It was simply more natural for me to place men in that position.

I'm sure I'll have more to say on this at another point. As it is only a snippet of what is going through my mind at any given point. :)

Setback and Play This Weekend

I hurt my back, somehow. I honestly I have no idea what I did. But it's been a lot of sharp pain. Took a hot bath which seemed to have helped. Normally when I hurt myself (I swear it doesn't happen as nearly as often nowadays), I rest and relax until I feel alright again. It's not a big deal. These things happen with age, lol.

But on Saturday, there's a big community play party. One of the groups rented out a space. There will be 65-70 people, most of whom I do know. I had plans to play with this cute young thing. She's very sweet and unfortunately will be moving in a few weeks.

Not to mention that this would be a fantastic chance for Sir and I to play. I think He enjoys showing me off. There's no way I'll be able to manage any kind of play if I'm not doing better by then. I could still watch but really that's not nearly as much fun!! I'd like to see Sir be able to play, regardless of how I'm doing. I'll admit to being curious about watching Him in action.

Plus, given how often I get the chance to play with others, it's only fair that He takes advantage of the opportunity to play freely. As long as He's happy and enjoying Himself, I'm happy. :)

So we're crossing our fingers and hoping for the best!!

Sir is away this week for job related reasons. I was going to be on the receiving end of something fun, interesting, and kinky. I found this out right after I told Him that my back was bothering me something awful. My body is looking to ruin all of my fun this week! I can't kneel or bend or extend my arms or lift anything remotely heavy or twist my body. You don't realize how much you depend on your back for everything until it starts to hurt.

Other than this minor setback, we're good. I convinced Sir to come over some time to help me paint. See, my distractions give us a reason to spend time together! I've been busy picking out colors. And no, I won't be painting with my back as it is. I know better. It'll be in May when I decide to do a painting day. It'll be a nice vanilla project to do together. :)

What awaits me on Friday

He is an evil, sadistic man!! We've been sorting out more details for Friday night. I am willingly handing myself over to Him for a wild night of depravity. And believe me, it will be quite depraved!

It's no longer just a home invasion scenario. No, it got taken up a notch or two. He'll become a stranger, who has watched me and waited. Seen all of my dirty little secrets. Knows that I'm deviant. Finally can't resist anymore and breaks in to have the object of His obsession.

A cold and heartless man who will do whatever He pleases with me. Dark, humiliating, degrading things.

Oh my fear is quite real. I've seen Him reign in during a scene. That is enough to leave me shaking and breathless. I can't even imagine the man who will be walking into my home on Friday.

Furthermore, I have instructions on how to be prepared for Him on Friday. Besides the clothing to wear, my hair will be done up nicely as well as make-up. To aid in the ruining of me. It'll be set as if He's walking in on me having a private scene with self-bondage. My legs will be tied up pretty, and effectively so I will be helpless. Hands cuffed behind my back. Blindfold and collar on. Plugged and playing with a vibrator in my pussy.

That's how He'll find me. Helpless and ready to be tormented. Exactly how He likes me. Then He'll do terrible things to me. Lots of terrible plans, some of which I gave Him the ideas for. Sometimes I'm too helpful for my own good.

It's going to be an amazing time. Filled with more orgasms than I'll know what to do with. His plan is to have me be a quivering, incoherent mess by Saturday evening. Pretty sure He'll get there before Friday night is out.

I trust Him. I have to in order to go forward with a scene like that. But yes, I am very much nervous and afraid. Emotions that He plans on taking full advantage of come Friday.

Long Term Desires

Graduating from Sir to Master, am I?

Has a nice ring to it ;)

Teasing me, almost taunting in nature. 

Some back story about the title "Sir" for us. Before we got together, I accidentally called Him "Sir" once. Mainly because I was having several conversations at the time and my mind switched to calling the Dominant man I'm speaking with by a proper title.

It may also speak to somewhat hidden desires at the time. I did so pine for His affections.

But even later, I placed the title of "Sir" upon Him. It was my choice, free will. Something Sir very much believes in. I have to "green light" most of what we do, precisely, so He knows a boundary isn't being crossed. It was my decision to give Him that honorific, and the rest that it entailed.

That's why He was teasing me. Because if I wish for Him to be my Master one day, it'll be something I freely give. Never something He'll demand of me.

The term "Master" carries a hefty amount of weight, for how it would be applicable to our lives. I do not mean using it in scene or bedroom only. I mean the full capacity of the Master/slave relationship.

We are not even close to being prepared to take that step. If it happens, it'll be several years from now. We are but at the beginnings of the evolution that is "Us". To rush would likely destroy what progress we've made.

I made it clear, and He agreed, that is a lifestyle...an ideal...that is currently beyond our reach. That's absolutely fine. My chains are far too loose to be suddenly pulled that tight.

Sir called the M/s relationship an admirable goal. Not quite a goal, at least not one I can set. It's a desire, nothing more at this point. I gave Him the "green light" not only for next weekend, but in general, to lead us on the paths He wishes us to take. I will follow, with a warm and open heart.

Again, longer term desires and plans. The power is there for Him to grasp at His own pace. I simply offered it up for Him to be able to do such.

Finding my way back

I'm home from the land of the vanillas. It's always interesting when the six of us get together. Especially since they're all not quite as vanilla as they claim. Yes, I corrupt everyone!! Haha! It's not my fault I had a flogger with me...and they wanted a demonstration...

Anyway, I have no idea what's going on with seeing Sir this weekend. Or any time in the near future. It sounds like I'll be leaving again next week. The whole isolation I desperately need? I might be getting that with the best friend and her baby boy. Especially since I still haven't seen her wedding dress, and it's been at least a month since I last saw her.

I'm decently well. Vanilla-land did its job in making me appreciate the openness that I find in the kink community at home. Because there's a fine line between corrupting and scarring vanilla friends. And heaven knows I can't scar my kink friends.

And I think the inner submissive might be returning. There's this burning desire to be bound, even if it's just my wrists. Or being on my knees before Sir. Running His hand through my hair. No Sadism, no masochism. Just domination, submission. Give and take of power.

The openness and trust that comes from D/s. That's what I want, what I'm craving. To give Sir the power He desires. Be His sweet, compliant kitten.

When the Brat makes an appearance...

Last night, I went for a different tactic as I laid in bed unable to sleep. This is unusual for me; I sleep like a rock most nights. Though last night may have had to with changing the clocks. Always hate that crap every year.

I laid in bed repeating in my mind all the reasons for why I should trust Him to stay and trust His continued interest. There's a long list, one I was able to hold on tight to again.

Not to mention that He thought my long text where I poured my heart out was "very sweet".

Over the weekend, it was made a little clear that I need my leash reigned in a bit. Maybe that's part of why I was in a bad head space. When I start antagonizing Doms who can normally still me with a look, and a spanking doesn't get me back into a submissive mood, there's definitely a problem there...

I mentioned my musings earlier this morning to Sir. Unfortunately, I'm going to be out of town and basically unavailable for a while. Or else I'd be getting a nice, lovely scene. Though, I'm sure we can think of something to bring us together a bit more.

Heh, when I told Him about the fun over the weekend (which He seemed sad to have missed. I need to get Him out to these things more.), He commented that my behavior wasn't dominant but assertive. That's what I thought...our friends think otherwise. And this is why Sir wins, lol. No dominant part of this sub!!

Found out I have a bratty side, which is how I brought up the part where I think I need a bit more control. Or just a good reminder that I'm an obedient submissive. I was with R and K over the weekend. Normally K can grab me by the throat and I'm nearly in subspace. Not the case this time. I was playfully teasing K, saying that I didn't have to obey him. That he couldn't make me do anything. (I know, I know...I'm so going to pay for that at a later time...)

K got real close and threatened, "No, but I know who can."  Yeah...that would be Sir. He pulled a trump card, damn it! Even that night, I got wide eyed. Because well, other Doms are just fun people to play with.

Sir? Oh no. I obey Sir. There is no question there. I'm sweet, compliant, submissive. There is no challenging Him because I know better. LOL!

One well placed look, a handful of hair = weak kneed, open exposed subbie.

Which is frankly what I might need at the moment. A reassertion of dominance that good girls don't behave such ways, unless told otherwise. Even I realize it was a craving to be put in my place that brought on the Brat. Granted, fun was had by all. It's a playful brat.

So that's where I'm at: Needing my Sir.

His loving care, dominance, possession.

Pretty sure the "little voice" would quiet down too, as it's hard to argue when pulled in close and reminded of exactly who owns me. :-)

What It All Means

I knew I wouldn't like that conversation, though for not the reasons I expected. Too many thoughts racing around my mind. Trying to make sense of them.

We give a lot of ourselves in TTWD, in varying levels. As a sub, I've presented myself on a platter to previous Doms. Not all of me, but large enough portions that I'm still trying to break free of some emotional and mental chains.

Always freely given, even when there was some wrestling in the moment. Because there is no shoving D/s into a box and forgetting it. This is who I am. Those previous relationships, and even the existing chains, let the submissive free. A gateway to understanding myself.

My first Dom was maybe the worst for me. Yet, there's a song he sent me. It's still on my computer. I even listen to it now and then. He got the least of me but he threw open the door. When I'm struggle, and I do sometimes, I listen to that. I recall how I arrived at this point. How innocent I was and how even with the wrong man, submission was still oh-so-right.

I spent a long time fighting and struggling with polyamory. My view of relationships comes from a monogamous perspective and poly is far more complex. What is "normal" is relationship dependent in polyamory. Yet, I find myself trying to fit relationships (okay, one in particular) into the monogamous mold.

Doesn't work like that. I have Sir, a BF, regular play partners, and people I consider a second family who I on occasion play with.

What about that is normal??? In my world, I guess that has become the norm. All that open loving and treating people equaling seems to have expanded my world.

Yet...that doesn't negate the craving for a husband. Where we have that white picket fence with a dungeon in the basement. Children who we idolize. Growing old together...I thought I had found that. I didn't. Crash and burn spectacular. I had given up hope on that traditional life. Told myself I would never live with another partner. That was the fastest way to ruin a relationship...And the desire is still there, haunting me.

I know the ideas aren't contradicting, poly and the happily ever after. Complicated, sure. But I know people who make it work, and do it amazingly well.

There are parts of me I can't change, no matter how much I fight them. I want children. Beautiful little boys and girls. James, Marie, Alexander, Cassandra, and Emily. I want them all and have since I was a young teenager. My dream of a family that I swear sometimes God makes a mockery of, but I keep hoping for it to be a reality one day.

I am poly. Maybe while raising kids, I would focus more on monogamy, or closed poly. I have tried monogamy. I would try again, if I thought it stood a chance of working.

So what does this all have to do with Sir and I? A little bit, but I'll get to that. This is partially where our conversation directed my thoughts. That I may see most or all the pieces of who I am, but I'm still trying to figure out how to put them all together.

That I take our relationship, or whatever else you want to call it, seriously. I handed over my submission to Him. I have every intention of taking Him up on making this "Fetlife official", heh. I take my love for Him seriously, even if I don't know what all it will mean for us.

So, when Sir told me He doesn't want to share me, I took that seriously. Sat with it and pondered. What I would give for His happiness, and still be happy myself. This is what I signed up for, with the D/s. It wasn't all to do with help with orgasms, or a physical attraction to Him. Instead, it meant that I was willing to compromise; to do what I could to make His life happier and more fulfilled.

Because I want Him to be the person who helps me take all the pieces and assemble them into something coherent. And maybe I shouldn't be saying this, not yet. But it's not a goal. Just a wish and a dream, like so many I've held close to my heart.

But none of this is what you've been

waiting to hear about...

He said that He may not like sharing me, but He doesn't like exercising either. That doesn't mean it's not something necessary. And He pointed out that He never asked me not to pursue other interests. He wants me to do what will make me happy. Not in relation to anyone else, but for myself. Be a little selfish.

Heh, selfish? Hahaha...Sir, have you met me? Selfish is asking for a commitment beyond the vague "if I say something, then I consider it a promise", once it's possible. I know it's not yet and it is coming soon. But damn I want to show you off. Do happy dances of joy that I can admit to being yours. Selfish is not letting another woman ever touch my Sir, ever again, because I don't want to share you. Because I don't want to ever give you up.

Selfish also isn't me. I am a giver. I am happy making others happy. I don't need much. I have survived with far less than what I have now. This is content. The time I spend with Sir, those are my moments of happiness. Joy and bliss.

Maybe this isn't the explanation that was expected.

That's okay. Never promised anything else.

I've never claimed to be normal, heh.

And y'all can thank Julia for

the song that's at the end of this post.

It's a new favorite. :-)

Departure

I'm all packed up for our trip. All the plans have been settled. We're not driving up alone, and I have the others coming to my place. It was the easiest solution. They'll be here at 5. That's when Sir gets out of work so in case they run late (very likely) there is plenty of time for everything to run smoothly.

I am punctual. It bothers me when others aren't. I've learned who those people are and I adjust time accordingly. My mother is like that so I've had practice. Sir is always punctual, a good trait. Now we can just hope that work doesn't hold Him up. Considering it's a Friday, they shouldn't...I'm not a huge fan of His current employment. An understatement for how He feels.

Anyway, I'm all dolled up. Excited to get on the road and arrive at our destination. Plunge head first into the madness that will likely ensue. I'm bringing a few kinky toys with me. Not sure if we'll use them but the option will be available.

I'll admit I am a bit nervous. I've touched upon the orgasm control now and then. He has plans...I am fully prepared to orgasm many times, in public surrounded by lord only knows how many people. Trying to contain it. Hide it well enough so no one notices.

My inner Sadist and masochist are loving this plan. Totally for it. Great fun. The inner sub has humility, and is wide eyed in fear. Hoping He won't actually do this but knowing He's already done it. Tuesday...the man had me under. Used one of my trigger words to taunt me. In public, among our friends.

Don't get me wrong, I do want this. I'm also well aware that the fantasy and the reality are very different. The fantasy makes me wet and swoon. The reality will do the same, with large doses of humiliation. The kind that leaves me trembling. Good thing I have someone to catch me if I fall.

Deep Subspace

Last night was incredible, almost beyond words. I had a small get together for some friends, mainly those newer to TTWD. It was a great learning experience for many and it sounds like this will be a reoccurring event, which is more than fine with me. I enjoy helping others.

Even if I was confused for a Domme, lol. They only saw me Top during the night, so I understand why the assumption was made. The Sadist has been out in full force as of late. I think Sir likes it too. The more I delve into the masochism, the more the Sadism wants out of its box. I say they are separate entities but I'm beginning to wonder if they are tied intrinsically together.

So the incredible part...

Sir and I played last night. Yes, He was here and it was wonderful.

At first, we were watching two other plays. Which she giggles at nearly every sensation. We were cracking up over it. Also, we may have found a third to play with us some time. She'd be a heck of a lot of fun! While they were having their fun, Sir had a bit of His own with me.

He teased me with the gag until He noticed that I really wanted to it, heh. He gagged me, slipped on a blindfold, and then handcuffed my hands behind my back. Over the spanking bench I went (sideways, not on it) and He had some fun with me.

Four triggered orgasms later...He is so good at that. Lifted the blindfold long enough to hold up fingers to indicate how many orgasms He wanted me to have, and to make sure I had achieved them. I think He just used floggers on me. The details are a little fuzzy. But I'm still amazed how easily I can cum when He commands me. Instead of attention to my pussy, He can have me orgasm with the touch of implements and pain.

An extension of Him, in some ways. It may not be His physical self, but it's still His touch.

That wasn't even the incredible part of the night. No, it was once He had me on the cross that it really became interesting.

There's a specific level of subspace that before last night I had only read about, but never experienced myself. The space of dissociation from what is occurring at the time. I was aware of everything-the pain, the impact, and Sir.

But it was like there was a step missing in the process of understanding, as if I was looking from the outside in...hmmm not quite that. Awareness with comprehension but not fully experiencing it.

I don't have the words for it. However, the experience was mind-blowing!! I have never been so deep in subspace before. Sir said He noticed when it happened too, which is awesome. We did lose that space for a little bit. What He did to bring it back was so HOT!

First He used a cane. Have I mentioned how much I love that bamboo cane?? ADORE it!! He did use it on my ass and thighs, mmm. But that's not what I mean here. Sir had me facing the cross, my hands up high attached to the cross via cuffs. He put the cane against my neck, had me take a deep breath, then pushed me forward while pulling back on the cane.

OMG!!! When He counted out to 15, I nearly lost it. I was so overwhelmed in the best way. Physically controlled and hearing each number was like a mental leash being pulled.

The best was yet to come though...because after the cane He grabbed a belt. *swoons*

If I love anything more than the cane and floggers, it's the belt. Only by Sir, no one else has ever used it in a way I enjoy. He had me place both hands on the cross; I was to tap out when I needed to be release. He placed the belt against my neck and I just about melted on the spot. When He pulled, I was lost. He pulled it tight about three or four separate times.

I was back into the depths of subspace, where He could do anything He wanted to me. And did He ever have fun!! I did too, of course. I was soaking wet by the end of our play.

Even now, I'm drifting in a happy place. Stable, I have no fear of dropping from this. I used to "drop" on a regular basis. With Sir, I give more of myself over to Him. I surrender. The afterglow is similar to being held in His arms; it's safe and warm.

TTWD has a way of sneaking up and surprising me. Every time I think I figured it all out, a curve ball upsets the whole balance. But that's the best part, there's always something new to explore. If deeper subspace and a better connection to Sir is what I have to look forward to, I welcome what's to come. :)

Good Girl

"Good girl" is a phrase I'm assuming we're all familiar with. I want to unravel the significance and personal importance those words have. Please indulge my attempts to sort through the thoughts my mind is circling around.

In the context of BDSM, "good girl" has no inherent correlation to "Littles." The leap to that conclusion is an obvious one, even if it is a false assumption. For those unfamiliar with Daddy/Mommy and little relationships, I found this article to be a good emotional and honest explanation.

The usage of "girl" has no significance to one's age, in any regard. Instead it is an idea that fans the flame of Dominance and submission. One that exposes the submissive behavior under a bright spot light while simultaneously praising it.

For some, "good girl" brings on a rush on endorphins and an emotional high. The surge that courses through a sub's mind and body, like water cleansing and renewing.

It is an acknowledging of a task completed, but furthermore, one which has been performed well. It is earned, often with great struggle. When one pushes past the social conditioning and internal debates to give oneself over to the will of another, in those moments one earns that "good girl" praise from the lips of the Dom.

"Good girl" helps cement the D/s relationship. It builds trust and appreciation. Subs flounder when uncertain, confused, unsure, lost, etc. Their job is to be pleasing, submit, serve. When doubts creep in, and there is no confirmation that they are just as the Dom wishes them to be, "good girl" can be one of many forms to bridge that gap.

For those Doms that can find the balance between over-abundance and sparsity, they will find themselves happier as well. For when their subs are confident and content in submission, life is better for all involved.

As for where I stand with the phrase "good girl", it tightens the chains of Dominance. It liberates my submission. Sir often marvels at how deep I travel down into subspace. Yet even though He's convinced a slave is hiding just beneath my surface, I still struggle from time to time.

The phrase is like many triggers I have to snap my head space into compliant submission. I would argue it's one of the most powerful, at least for me. For though it helps bring me back to where I'm needed, it is a balm to doubts and hesitation. It is warmth to the cold depths of fear.

When I'm told I'm a "good girl" the burden is removed. I can relax and be at peace. If there is freedom in submission, "good girl" is one key that opens the lock to where I hide away.

A Night I Won't Soon Forget

I have a feeling this will be a long post as I'll be telling y'all about the roughly 24 hours from Friday into Saturday. So enjoy the ride!

It started innocently enough as I arrived at Sir's place. He was making dinner, which turned out quite well. I was thoroughly impressed. Then we watched Captain America and the Avengers, finishing up that movie series. At least for the time being, as I was informed Iron Man 3 will be out soon.

We snuggled and cuddled on the couch, with Him occasionally groping me. That man is a total tease!! One position was a perfect cuddle for me. I was leaning against Him in a way that He could rest His head against my arm. I loved that because every so often He'd nuzzle and kiss my arm gently. Slipping a hand up into my hair to gently pull was also quite delightful!

Mmmm, He did push me up against a wall in the kitchen (maybe the pantry closet door??) and kissed me deeply. My body responded immediately!! I melted in His arms and was soaking wet. Then He pushed me to my knees and had me suck Him for a while. I do so love that, probably nearly as much as He does, lol!!

After the movies were over, it was nearly midnight. He decided it was bedtime and I had no complaints to that! Once in His bedroom, He quickly removed my clothing. I've noticed He loves undressing me. There's something delicious about it that I can't quite put my finger on. His clothing quickly followed suit and I was back to sucking Him off.

He was quite satisfied with my performance, I think. Given His "Don't stop" when I had Him at my mercy (hee hee hee) and how nicely He came in/all over me, that's a technique I'll be keeping in mind for the future. Something He's not even aware of is that up until last night I'd never had a guy cum on my face. Surprising, I know. Kind of like I have never put a condom on a man's cock. Though for that, my hands are typically restrained so it's not like I've even had the opportunity. And before kink...well that was something the men always took care of. *shrugs*

He pulled me close for cuddles after He came. Heh, then He decided He wasn't through with me. I was told to get on the floor. As He pushed me gently down, I met His eyes. There was a hungry look in them. My slightly scary hunter had His prey cornered and He damn well knew it!! He thrust into me, claiming me. As my eyes met His, I could see the possessiveness. He was gauging my reactions. Enjoying how every deep thrust left me wide-eyed. I was in heaven, clinging to Him when able. Wanting to stay in the moment forever, being so physically and emotionally connected with Him.

All good things must come to an end as I found myself wrapped up in His arms, tucked into bed. He'd turned off the lights and I assume He meant for us to sleep. I was riled up, my mind racing. I had Meatloaf's "Two Out of Three" stuck in my mind as well as Sara Bareilles' "Stay". The lyrics to those are haunting and apt. I also had Toto's "Africa" in my head; I'm not going to even try to puzzle that one out.

Then I started giggling. It took a few minutes for me to stop. I still don't know why I erupted into a fit of laughter. Maybe nervousness? He kept giving me strange looks. I guess it was apparent to Him that I was wide awake.

He decided that in order for me to sleep, He was going to wear me out. Thoroughly and completely with more orgasms than my body could handle. As y'all know, orgasm control is a big part of our D/s relationship. Oh did He ever show His mastery of my body!! Sir had me on top of Him where I wasn't to fuck, but simply cum on command around His cock.

I lost count at 18. I wouldn't doubt we hit over two dozen. Pulling my hair down to Him while thrusting deep inside of me...I can't explain what that does to me, having Him deep and fully within me. We were so synced up. Every orgasm furthering His pleasure. He was completely in control, of my mind and body.

Then He took over fucking me for His pleasure. Yes, orgasm three for Him. Mmmm! By the end, I literally could not orgasm anymore. He tried but my body could not handle anything else. That's a damn good way to fall asleep!! As we readied ourselves for bed a second time, I slipped into a purple satin little nightie. I could tell Sir liked it as He couldn't keep His hands off of it and me.

He pulled me close as we fell asleep. I was wrapped up in His arms throughout the night. Feelings of being safe, protected, wanted, and cherished lingered deep within me. I'm still basking in the glow of sleeping in His arms. I didn't want to get out of bed either. Waking up next to Him was perfect. I watched Him sleep for a while as I clung to the moment of peace and sweetness as long as I could.

The Sadist does not play fair. Not one bit! I had forgotten the report. (well, not exactly...I just had no idea what to do as I normally text Him at the end of the night. Details that we worked out later) So to up the challenge, He had me get back on top and ride Him to make Him cum. But for every orgasm that I had, it was another minute of punishment. I was managing quite well, even with Him thrusting deep inside of me. Until He held me up by my throat as I rode Him, unable to use my hands for leverage.

Imagine that: Riding His cock while He had a hand around my throat. Some body weight held by my legs, the rest with His hand. Especially as He grabbed/pulled my hair to bring me closer to Him.

I was lost from that point. There was no saving me from the three orgasms that racked through my body. The final one was while He was coming inside of me. He warned me He was close and how could I not cum when my Sir was having an orgasm deep within me? The Sadist is a deliciously evil part of Him.

We truly didn't get out of bed and dressed until nearly noon. We bonded in that time. He had me read a short story a friend of His wrote. I was leaning against Him as I read. At one point, He rested His head in my lap, reading along with me.

Then we went out for breakfast and talked about a story that's been in my mind for years. We're both writers by choice and nature. He picked up on the themes of my story with such ease and helped fill in all the gaps. A one book story became four complete books, including a prequel, within an hour of conversation. I would love for Him to write this story with me. So we'll see how that goes. :)

We went back to His place to watch "Chuck"...last time...well, I wasn't allowed to talk about that. It's still a writing sitting in my drafts: mocking me. Maybe He'll finally let me post it! :-P  So an episode of Chuck later and it's nearly 3pm. Sir didn't want me to go and very honestly, I never wanted to leave. I am super comfortable with Him. He was doing His best to keep me there, even letting another episode start so as to entice me. But away I went, back to my home...that is very empty without Him.

So that was our first and truly wonderful night together. Memories I will hold close to me every night as I fall asleep...Until His arms can be wrapped around me once more.

Choice and D/s

Before I get into the rest of the details from my previous post...

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so the long squeal of delight is because I'm spending the night with Sir!!! It's our first and I've been bouncing for joy since we made plans. Cuddling!!! And I was told to bring toys. Gonna be a happy kitten tonight! I had to share this delightful news. I'm sure I'll have plenty of details to write about tomorrow!

Back to choices. This began with a conversation we had on Sunday. In His hesitancy to put restricting rules in place as it takes away choice. I've been thinking about that all week actually. The idea of choice in the confines of D/s.

The moment true choice is taken away, the line of consent blurs. I know some slaves, likely even some submissives, live this way quite happily. It comes from a place of trust and mutual understanding.

But I challenge anyone within a BDSM relationship to say they don't have choice in some capacity or another. We can still say "no" and if it's not respected, then we have the option of leaving. Anything else is abuse, not BDSM.

So the idea of choice is a fuzzy one. Because Doms and subs often do things they may not like in order to please the other person. It does go both ways. Doms don't want to be Dominant all the time no more than a sub wants to be submissive all the time. We do things in relationships out of love, respect, and the idea of placing another's needs above ones own.

I will always have a choice. I can choose not to do whatever Sir tells me. There will be consequences, of course. If it's something I agreed to, then punishment will occur. If it's something I can or will no longer do, then it's time to reevaluate. Renegotiate.

By personal choice, I would not be sexually monogamous. I'm old enough to realize that I will want to have sex with others, the fantasy of the "One" has been gone for some time. And young enough that a lot of options are available to me at any given time. If Sir says "no", then I have a choice. I can agree to it or I can disagree. What happens from there will depend on several factors, I'm sure. As of right now, I can live with the sexual monogamy as it's not quite that black and white. I have the freedom to emotionally connect with others as well as play.

Choices. What we do is consensual, safe, and sane. We take calculated risks, not just with our bodies. With our minds, hearts, souls. As a sub, I trust the Dom I'm with to make choices for me. I can always say no, but I don't want to. I'm with the man for a reason after all. 

We're compatible, in more ways than just kink. I chose Him. I chose D/s, knowing full well that I will not have the full and complete choices of how I live my life. I don't want all those choices. The biggest choice I will ever make is in deciding who I will submit to. That is Sir.

Even His hesitation and fears about removing choice let me know He's the right person. Because He won't make decisions for me without knowing for sure if it's right. And if it's not, we'll find a way to make it work. That's the man He is and why He's worthy of trust.

I can understand why He's afraid to remove choice. Doesn't want to mirco-manage me. And given my abusive past, He doesn't want to affect my life in a negative way. But it's my choice to submit. My choice to hand over parts of my life to Him.

As long as He is the man I know now, a good and honorable person, then I will continue to give myself to Him. For however long He wants me. :)

I'm sure I'll more to say on this topic in the future...

In Trying to Understand, We Get a Little Lost

It was lovely to be out yesterday! Hugs and snuggles abounded!

Everyone was happy to see their kitten doing better. Though I managed to somewhat hide the damn cough that wanted to make a reemergence and leave me struggling to breathe.

I was able to see Him which was so lovely! Though He does owe me more cuddles, lol. I'll be sure to cash those in when I see Him next.

All of my recent writings had left Him uneasy. Misunderstandings. You'd think I'd remember that seems to be the nature of things between us. We sorted it out a bit, without really getting into the specifics.

He thought I wanted Him to be "Uber Dom" 24/7, 365. *shakes head* That was not my intention and I think He sees that now.

We have much more to discuss. I really don't want to write about it here until He and I talk. Or it may end up causing further confusion.

So this week will be spent on other ideas. I've been reading enough blogs lately that my head is filled with them. I'm also spending a few days with my one friend and her son. I haven't seen them since before Christmas. I can tell y'all about my vanilla-ish life. LOL

I really don't have much of a "vanilla" life. It's more that I do vanilla things with kinky people. Like being dragged to a hockey game with several of my kinky friends. I've never been and apparently it's time. Or some other nonsense. But I enjoy spending time with my friends so I can live with it.

I also volunteered myself to two friends. The ones who always host parties. They're both Dominants and so need a victim volunteer. I'll have to run it by Him, of course. I doubt it'll be any time soon but it's an offer from one friend to another. And I'm not some crazy bitch who's going to fuck up their lives. I have my own business and affairs. This is just for the sake of fun. :)

Back to Him, to end this post...I can see why He'd be a bit concerned. His life is more geared toward vanilla people, and vanilla life in general. Whereas mine is the exact opposite. But I'm not submissive 24/7. Yeah, it's always there if I need it. I'd get burnt out like anyone else if every single second was kink.

The most kink I've had was Sir playing with previously set up orgasm triggers at the event yesterday. Just for fun and because He could. (I'll tell y'all about that in another post, maybe tomorrow.)

Before that? New years eve. Playing with Him. We've not been kinky or bdsm-like in our D/s since then. Sure, the control and power exchange are a constant undercurrent. But it's rarely touched upon. Just in a few bits of conversation now and then.

We're two people. Bonding. Working to understand each other. Sharing bits of our lives. Like I said in my last post, I see a man who constantly intrigues the hell out of me. He is Dominant, but He's far more complex than that alone. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

I may like the Dom...but I'm head over heels in love the man.

It's different with Him

He is kind, sweet, patient, giving, considerate. He protects and takes care of me, much in the way an owner takes care of a pet.

He's gentle with me. Doesn't require much of me, at least not yet. Often He tells me that who I am is enough.

I've had my fair share of Doms, and interacted with plenty of others.

Sir is in His own league. He's so unlike the others. I've always seen the humanity behind the Dominance. With most, it was something I cringed from. It was a source of weakness. Yet with Him, I see that same humanity, the weaknesses, the imperfections; I find it endearing. With Him, it's a relief.

Maybe because He never hid it. Maybe because I love all I've uncovered. Maybe because instead of seeing a Dom with a person attached...I see a man, who also happens to be Dominant.

He treats me like this soft, fragile little kitten who He pours all His love into, as He is loved unconditionally in return. I am His treasure, which He is stunned to possess and hopes to never lose.

I am free to speak my mind, to ask questions. I'd wager He delights in my curiosity. I am such a curious creature, always wanting to know more. Beyond the knowing, I need the "why"-the comprehension. He's not once begrudged it of me, even when He makes me wait (painfully, I only sometimes have reasonable patience, lol) for the answer/explanation.

He's humble, in that He realizes He has a lot yet to learn especially within the confines of BDSM. Yet He possesses such strength and determination that I know He'll do everything within His power to keep learning, growing, exploring. If He's going to be an Owner, He's damn well going to do it right with the most amount of information available.

While He often sees what I hide away and ignore, He's not once tried to assume that He knows me better than I do myself. Nor has He dismissed anything that is part of me. He enjoys when I express myself as He values the insight, immensely enjoys the process of discovery.

All of this makes Him different. He genuinely places my well-being as a matter of utmost importance in His life. He treats me as more than just the sub, or even the girlfriend. I am not a trophy or a position to be filled.

I am valuable, just as I am with all my strengths and weaknesses. He accepts me as I am today. Just as I accept Him for who He is in this very moment. It's why He's different. It's why this is different.

It's why I have no intention of letting go of this man. Why I am willingly to work through any stumbling blocks. Why I'm willing to grow and adapt to great lengths, find a workable middle ground. Because it is different.

With Him, it's right.

Depths of submission

I think I may finally be getting better. *crossing fingers*  I am up and about again. Hoping to get out tomorrow to socialize with people.

Plus, I want to see Sir. I miss Him, even though we talk daily. I need Him.

It's an idea He's still coming to terms with. It's a huge responsibility to be so needed by another person. He takes it on willingly. Even last night, He mentioned that "owning" another person is something He can't fully wrap His mind around.

I am well-loved in our community. The resident "kitten". I know I've detailed some of my interactions with others. I said to Sir last night that while the community sees me as "theirs" in some ways...I am in all reality His.

He's pushed people away for the last few years. Locked Himself up. I think so He couldn't be hurt again.

Like how He saw past all my walls, I saw past His. I see what an incredible and complex man He is. He is very much wanted. Needed. Loved. We slid into each other's lives with such ease. It's as if we belonged there.

Heh, so it seems He and I are due for another conversation.

Before we take any more steps forward, I need Him to be prepared for who and what I am. Sir has seen glimpses of my submissive nature. We have had some discussions on the matter.

He needs a working understanding of me. A more complete guide.

I have spent the last 6 years unearthing the submissive aspects of me. To the point where I can not go back to who I was. I've tried, been trying. There is no shutting it off. There is not keeping it in the bedroom, or only to be called upon when wanted.

That's like trying to control any other part of my personality. Yes, I'm astute enough to realize when it's inappropriate. I manage just fine in various social situations with the rest of my personality.

But I am not a bedroom sub. And while Sir intellectually understands that, I think there are pieces missing. It's my job to make sure He understands me and what I need. So, next week we'll talk. We're seeing when our schedules coincide.

I know it'll be a slow progression. With circumstances being what they are, He can't take the level of control that either of us want. I honestly don't think "we" as a couple are ready for that either. However, there are steps we can take. Measures of control we can approach...maybe something we need to do.

I don't know. Maybe it'll make more sense after our conversation.

In Craving, In Need

I find myself aching for conversation, touch, and human contact.

There is some concern I might have pneumonia, as the flu shouldn't be causing me breathing issues. It's something I'm keeping an eye on. Because of the sickness that has kept me in bed for a week, I have missed a munch and had to cancel so many plans.

I am a social creature. This isolation does not suit me.

I'm missing kink and BDSM. Both in action and discussion of it. Oh to feel Sir's hand around my throat, squeezing just enough to have me gasping!! I would beg for that on hands and knees, trailing kisses of worship along His shoes, for but a moment of His touch and careful attention.

Instead, I find myself soaking up all the information I can find. I have poured over Fetlife and find myself craving more. So out into blogland I go searching for blogs that can feed these submissive and intellectual demands. Blogs by Doms, who can offer insights and intrigues.

Sir and I are due for long conversations where I will glean curiosities from His mind as He slowly maps out mine. Finally we touch upon our kinks, those deep desires that are begging and pleading for a release.

I wish. I need. I want. I crave.

Dom and sub Accountability

Yearning Letgo was apparently on the same train of thought as me today in her post here.

I've been thinking about accountability. Personal and within the confines of a D/s relationship.

D/s relationships by their very nature can only work when both people are doing what their role requires of them. Dominants must maintain an active control over the submissive, while the sub must actively submit to that control as necessary.

The Dom has clearly defined tools to keep the sub on the right path. Discipline, tasks, rules, punishments. However, at the end of the day, the sub has to WANT to submit. The desire must come from within. Or it would be like a man trying to push a mountain; it will never be done. What the Dom has are means to help and assist the sub.

By the same token, a Dom must want the power and control. It is not something that can be forced, coerced, or demanded of another. It must be a freely accepted need to take power over a sub.

What happens when a Dom needs focusing? Needs that nudge to continue on the path?

As a sub, I have had difficulty with this in the past. Expressing my needs and gently explaining what isn't being met can help. Not always though. It can seem like another burden being placed or seen as questioning the Dom's decisions. When one is new, or even in a new relationship, this can be a huge blow to the ego. Even for a good, well-intentioned Dom, it can be easy to feel like toes are being stepped on or even *gasp* that a sub is topping from the bottom.

It's been something on my mind lately. How to serve a Dom who is slowly stepping back into the role, after some years away. Then I was thinking more in the broader sense, for subs in general.

The answer was startling simple. For a Dominant, the use of dominance furthers the path of the submissive. Honed carefully by knowing the sub, in and out, so as to appropriately direct.

For the submissive then, the path to bringing a Dom back on track is submission. Service. Submitting. Stepping up and easing the burdens of the Dom to make life easier and more comfortable. Being available and of easy access, in an obvious yet non-aggressive manner.

It made sense as soon as I touched upon the idea. What better to draw forth dominance than by offering exactly what it craves, needs, demands? It seems simple, and it really is. It's keeping up with assignments and tasks. Sticking to rituals. Doing little things of service.

Is the morning rushed? Then make it easier. By the night before, laying out neatly everything necessary. Bathroom, kitchen, outfits. Whatever makes things easier. Is dinner regularly rushed and ill-planned? Make a schedule with planned meals ahead of time. Fill it with the Dom's favorites, especially on night's when you know it'll be a hectic/rough day at work.

Only the sub in question can know what is right for the Dom. Whether if and what will help reduce stress and burdens. But, if it seems like the dominance is fading a bit, being proactive can help the Dom see exactly what is so damn appealing about D/s. It'll also help the sub feel better as it's strengthening the submissive connection.

Something to think about, next time the submissive jitters are taking over. For that matter, the dominant ones too. Yes, nothing is a substitute for good, honest, open communication. But no one wants to be a nag and sometimes actions speak louder than words.