I've been quiet here lately. I haven't felt like I've had much to say. Oh I've had things I could share but talking about it hasn't been a priority. Been too wrapped up in my own mind, with far too many concerns. Trying to wrap my mind around the striking differences in behavior that can exist within an individual. I remember my friend and am haunted by the villain--they are the same person. Even seemingly good people, good friends can make terrible decisions that expose the core of who they are. I'm left with no answers because there are no questions. Only the reality that I choose to escape from most of the time. That I can never escape.
But that's all neither here nor there. Contrary to the paragraph above, I'm actually in a good head space. I've been keeping my head above the cold waters of depression...for the most part. Earlier in the week may not have been great for me. Sir was good, as always, about helping me through it.
I have been keeping myself busy. I spent a night with Kevin and Rebecca at their place last week. I did find myself tied up and beaten. It was fun, though a bit of the lighter side. I was craving to be really tormented. Hell, I still am. We watched Firefly and then Serenity. I had not ever seen the movie so rewatching the TV series was a good refresher. Rebecca and I were able to talk. It was what we both needed.
I was able to give Lisa a taste of masochism the other evening. She took to pain like a fish to water. I told her we'd play again soon. She's very fun to tease and torment. Her eyes light up when we play. There's this fight that happens at first. Then she submits. And then underneath it all is the pure experience. The hint of fear, the erotic pleasure of pain, the lust that consumes her soul. It's all there to be seen and exposed.
She trusts and loves me. I always keep her at an arm's distance away though when it comes to sex and bdsm. I have to or else she would fall too hard. I'm not the answer she's looking for and she knows that. But I'm damn close, more than any woman she's met. So I see it every now and then. She forgets why we'd drive each other insane living together. I keep a few walls up for that very reason.
As for Sir, well He wanted to see me on Tuesday. But I'd already made plans to have fun with Lisa for that night. If everything in His schedule stays the same, I'll be able to briefly see Him on Sunday. Maybe I'll see Him sooner than that. Maybe, heh. I find myself sick with a stomach flu/virus. Of course it's the middle of summer with a heat wave and I'm running a bad fever. Only I can manage that. :-P
I'll hopefully have more fun things to write about. Also maybe I'll feel inclined to write about the musings and meanderings of my mind again. :)