Hey God. Been a while. I know I'm not allowed to see past the unknown choices. The Matrix got that one dead on. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or where to go next. I'm at a loss.
It's like I can see all the individual puzzle pieces but the entirety of the picture eludes me. Help me understand what it is that I'm missing. Because I'm trying to trust you like I used to, but it's difficult.
I have a lot of love in my life. I know that's your doing. I see the path that got me here. Wasn't there a better way, an simpler solution? Or was I so blind that I couldn't see it? If I'm missing the obvious here, please clue me in because I just don't see it.
My Sir, He says I think too much. You'd probably agree. If I accepted things are they are, and trusted that you had it all worked out, it'd be so much easier. You gave me this mind that over-thinks though. I assume for a reason. My guess is so that I wouldn't follow blindly. That I would question and make my own choices in life.
In that quiet voice, I hear you telling me to enjoy the happiness that I have. That all things come to an end, in their own time. I hear you saying it'll all work out. Can I believe and trust that? I don't really know.
I felt I should share part of my current talk to God. Help explain where I'm at without making this too long of a post. I've been really angry the past 24 hours. In fact, I've been angry, bitter, and downright mean. Thankfully most of that hasn't left my mind. I'm honestly ashamed of the thoughts I've had.
This is on me. I'm the one struggling right now with everything. When I should be happy, I'm too busy worrying to enjoy it. I'm working on enjoying happiness without worrying about the future or second guessing everything.
Key word being trying. We'll see how well it goes.