Blowjob in the Park

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Pleasant Surprises

I'm finally home. So glad to be back, even if I have a number of unpleasant things to deal with. There was a change in plans as I should have been home yesterday. Well Chris came to pick me up last week because while I love my car, it is completely unreliable for long distances. Things went from stressed to panicked from Thursday into Friday. Chris barely slept and ended up driving his car into his house. Everyone and everything is fine but it was cause for concern.

When Sir found out about this, He offered to pick me up. The three of us agreed this was for the best. Surprise time with Sir!! I'll take that any day! We had lots of fun on the way back to my house. :-D

He told me He was bringing toys. Oh look, a glass dildo waiting for me in the glove box. Two and a half hours of torment--something to that effect. Even though Sir wanted to keep me on edge without orgasms until Thursday, I'm definitely worn out from the constant slight vibrations and attention with the dildo that completely filled me. Not that I was able to orgasm, just that my body is exhausted. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be even more wound up.

Not to mention that Sir found a pull off spot for me to suck Him off. Mmmm! That was delicious. At one point, He grabbed me by my hair and face fucked me. It was glorious, especially when He made me hold my breath as He did that. Of course I was still full with the dildo, moaning like a whore every time He pushed it further inside of me.

But the most interesting part is that Sir has been mindfucking me for months. By months, I mean basically the whole time we've been playing together. See, I've been waiting for Him to find His dominant voice again. Become readjusted to BDSM, D/s, TTWD. Turns out He had already found it, but it looked nothing what I thought it would be. Yeah, yeah I know I've said this same thing to others--possibly have even mentioned it here.

Part of it is that Sir is driven by consent. He always wants my consent, every single time. I knew that and so I thought that's all there was to it. Oh no, not at all!!! No, He loves tormenting me by making me ask for exactly what it is I want. By forcing me to initiate first, He had all the power without actually having power until I gave it to Him.

I do understand. I am not going to be allowed a passive role in our power exchange. If I want it, I have to be willing to meet Him half way, or close enough for Sir to take over. Because once He has the power, He uses every last bit of it. Most of what He has done revolved around messing with my head. Why I never realized that's His flavor of power exchange is beyond me. It was all right there but the pieces never clicked.

There's something brilliant about how He set all of that up. Because as Sir noted, my past has had less of a traumatic influence the more choice He gives me in initiating the power exchange. It's like a light bulb in a closed room. I saw my submission as a light bulb that was constantly on. It's still an accurate description. What I never realized what that the door to the room was closed, access to it being cut off until I open that door.

For Sir, He closes that door every time we're done playing. Always to be invited back in because He respects that as my space. It's part of me and therefore until invited in, He will hover by the door. Sometimes He'll watch the light flare under the door. All my hints for Him to open it, come on in and take control. But I understand now--with where both of us are in regards to consent, this is the way it has to be done.

I still can't believe I didn't see it until now. I knew He could be dominant at times. I never realized what His natural dominance looked like. It is about power and the mind. He is not a traditional Dom, and definitely not a traditional Sadist. Yet I love the mind games, how He loves to torture me. It's frustrating because...heh...it turns me into the wanton slut that we both know I am.

I've never been happier with someone in this kind of relationship. I've known this and I'm beginning to understand the reasons behind it. He's been helping to heal me. When we play, it challenges both of us. He's also FAR more dominant than my mind has given Him credit for. Now that I know what to look for, I have a feeling this will get even more interesting. :)

Two Weeks of Teasing

Last night, I was at a munch with several friends, including Kevin and Rebecca. It was so good to see them. We're trying to make plans for the four of us, as well as a night of play--willing plaything that I am. :D

One of my friends was wearing a suit. Now, normally this guy does nothing for me whatsoever. A good friend but definitely not interested. Put him in a suit and suddenly he's infinitely more appealing. I actually had to go touch the suit, tailored might I add. I was so riled up. Doesn't help that Kevin and Rebecca were completely teasing me earlier in the night too.

Of course I told Sir about this once I got home. I wanted to be dominated and fucked right then and there, lol. He was amused that I was so desperate and needy. What happens this morning? I start daydreaming about the end of the month. He wanted to know all  about it. Sir has taken it upon Himself to torment me for the next two weeks, whenever He can. Wants me to be an eager, willing, pliant submissive for Him. One who'd be willing to do just about anything.

And...I love Him all the more for it. It's going to be an agonizingly wonderful two weeks. Once He gets me all alone, oh dear!! I'm so in trouble, in the best way. It's going to be absolutely fantastic. He'll have His slutty, eager submissive to play with. All worked up, thinking constantly about sucking His cock. Really, that's all I've thought about all day long, when I haven't been thinking about more fantasies. I want Him in me, in every hole. He could do pretty much about anything to me right now and I would love it. Hahaha! :P

So on a completely unrelated note, even the therapist thinks Sir is good for me. I'm highly amused by this. Up until the end of today's session, the therapist didn't know anything about Sir and I beyond that we're friends. And I quote, "You need more friends like Him."  Towards the end, I basically came clean knowing that I'm terrible at speaking vaguely. I explained how I'm polyamorous and kinky. Neither of which shocked him. Apparently he's had kinky patients before. I think that's fantastic. The poly bit is new to him but as I explained what that meant for me, he was completely open about it.

I outright told the guy that my relationship with Sir is the healthiest relationship I've ever had. Considering how much the guy likes Sir already, I'm sure he'll agree with that. I figure we'll talk more about both when I see him in two weeks. I'm not ashamed of my lifestyle choices. Why should I call Sir and the bf "just friends" when they are so much more? Plus, as Sir pointed out, "A therapist picking up on openly broadcast emotions? No way!  I tease, of course."  I probably smiled a little (or a lot), every time I spoke of Sir, even as a friend. I can't help it, lol.

After I get back from time with Chris, I have another session. I'm surprisingly enjoying therapy, way more than I ever expected. Which I think that has everything to do with how much I like the therapist. :)  I hope it continues to go this well.

When the Brat makes an appearance...

Last night, I went for a different tactic as I laid in bed unable to sleep. This is unusual for me; I sleep like a rock most nights. Though last night may have had to with changing the clocks. Always hate that crap every year.

I laid in bed repeating in my mind all the reasons for why I should trust Him to stay and trust His continued interest. There's a long list, one I was able to hold on tight to again.

Not to mention that He thought my long text where I poured my heart out was "very sweet".

Over the weekend, it was made a little clear that I need my leash reigned in a bit. Maybe that's part of why I was in a bad head space. When I start antagonizing Doms who can normally still me with a look, and a spanking doesn't get me back into a submissive mood, there's definitely a problem there...

I mentioned my musings earlier this morning to Sir. Unfortunately, I'm going to be out of town and basically unavailable for a while. Or else I'd be getting a nice, lovely scene. Though, I'm sure we can think of something to bring us together a bit more.

Heh, when I told Him about the fun over the weekend (which He seemed sad to have missed. I need to get Him out to these things more.), He commented that my behavior wasn't dominant but assertive. That's what I thought...our friends think otherwise. And this is why Sir wins, lol. No dominant part of this sub!!

Found out I have a bratty side, which is how I brought up the part where I think I need a bit more control. Or just a good reminder that I'm an obedient submissive. I was with R and K over the weekend. Normally K can grab me by the throat and I'm nearly in subspace. Not the case this time. I was playfully teasing K, saying that I didn't have to obey him. That he couldn't make me do anything. (I know, I know...I'm so going to pay for that at a later time...)

K got real close and threatened, "No, but I know who can."  Yeah...that would be Sir. He pulled a trump card, damn it! Even that night, I got wide eyed. Because well, other Doms are just fun people to play with.

Sir? Oh no. I obey Sir. There is no question there. I'm sweet, compliant, submissive. There is no challenging Him because I know better. LOL!

One well placed look, a handful of hair = weak kneed, open exposed subbie.

Which is frankly what I might need at the moment. A reassertion of dominance that good girls don't behave such ways, unless told otherwise. Even I realize it was a craving to be put in my place that brought on the Brat. Granted, fun was had by all. It's a playful brat.

So that's where I'm at: Needing my Sir.

His loving care, dominance, possession.

Pretty sure the "little voice" would quiet down too, as it's hard to argue when pulled in close and reminded of exactly who owns me. :-)

It's different with Him

He is kind, sweet, patient, giving, considerate. He protects and takes care of me, much in the way an owner takes care of a pet.

He's gentle with me. Doesn't require much of me, at least not yet. Often He tells me that who I am is enough.

I've had my fair share of Doms, and interacted with plenty of others.

Sir is in His own league. He's so unlike the others. I've always seen the humanity behind the Dominance. With most, it was something I cringed from. It was a source of weakness. Yet with Him, I see that same humanity, the weaknesses, the imperfections; I find it endearing. With Him, it's a relief.

Maybe because He never hid it. Maybe because I love all I've uncovered. Maybe because instead of seeing a Dom with a person attached...I see a man, who also happens to be Dominant.

He treats me like this soft, fragile little kitten who He pours all His love into, as He is loved unconditionally in return. I am His treasure, which He is stunned to possess and hopes to never lose.

I am free to speak my mind, to ask questions. I'd wager He delights in my curiosity. I am such a curious creature, always wanting to know more. Beyond the knowing, I need the "why"-the comprehension. He's not once begrudged it of me, even when He makes me wait (painfully, I only sometimes have reasonable patience, lol) for the answer/explanation.

He's humble, in that He realizes He has a lot yet to learn especially within the confines of BDSM. Yet He possesses such strength and determination that I know He'll do everything within His power to keep learning, growing, exploring. If He's going to be an Owner, He's damn well going to do it right with the most amount of information available.

While He often sees what I hide away and ignore, He's not once tried to assume that He knows me better than I do myself. Nor has He dismissed anything that is part of me. He enjoys when I express myself as He values the insight, immensely enjoys the process of discovery.

All of this makes Him different. He genuinely places my well-being as a matter of utmost importance in His life. He treats me as more than just the sub, or even the girlfriend. I am not a trophy or a position to be filled.

I am valuable, just as I am with all my strengths and weaknesses. He accepts me as I am today. Just as I accept Him for who He is in this very moment. It's why He's different. It's why this is different.

It's why I have no intention of letting go of this man. Why I am willingly to work through any stumbling blocks. Why I'm willing to grow and adapt to great lengths, find a workable middle ground. Because it is different.

With Him, it's right.

Dom and sub Accountability

Yearning Letgo was apparently on the same train of thought as me today in her post here.

I've been thinking about accountability. Personal and within the confines of a D/s relationship.

D/s relationships by their very nature can only work when both people are doing what their role requires of them. Dominants must maintain an active control over the submissive, while the sub must actively submit to that control as necessary.

The Dom has clearly defined tools to keep the sub on the right path. Discipline, tasks, rules, punishments. However, at the end of the day, the sub has to WANT to submit. The desire must come from within. Or it would be like a man trying to push a mountain; it will never be done. What the Dom has are means to help and assist the sub.

By the same token, a Dom must want the power and control. It is not something that can be forced, coerced, or demanded of another. It must be a freely accepted need to take power over a sub.

What happens when a Dom needs focusing? Needs that nudge to continue on the path?

As a sub, I have had difficulty with this in the past. Expressing my needs and gently explaining what isn't being met can help. Not always though. It can seem like another burden being placed or seen as questioning the Dom's decisions. When one is new, or even in a new relationship, this can be a huge blow to the ego. Even for a good, well-intentioned Dom, it can be easy to feel like toes are being stepped on or even *gasp* that a sub is topping from the bottom.

It's been something on my mind lately. How to serve a Dom who is slowly stepping back into the role, after some years away. Then I was thinking more in the broader sense, for subs in general.

The answer was startling simple. For a Dominant, the use of dominance furthers the path of the submissive. Honed carefully by knowing the sub, in and out, so as to appropriately direct.

For the submissive then, the path to bringing a Dom back on track is submission. Service. Submitting. Stepping up and easing the burdens of the Dom to make life easier and more comfortable. Being available and of easy access, in an obvious yet non-aggressive manner.

It made sense as soon as I touched upon the idea. What better to draw forth dominance than by offering exactly what it craves, needs, demands? It seems simple, and it really is. It's keeping up with assignments and tasks. Sticking to rituals. Doing little things of service.

Is the morning rushed? Then make it easier. By the night before, laying out neatly everything necessary. Bathroom, kitchen, outfits. Whatever makes things easier. Is dinner regularly rushed and ill-planned? Make a schedule with planned meals ahead of time. Fill it with the Dom's favorites, especially on night's when you know it'll be a hectic/rough day at work.

Only the sub in question can know what is right for the Dom. Whether if and what will help reduce stress and burdens. But, if it seems like the dominance is fading a bit, being proactive can help the Dom see exactly what is so damn appealing about D/s. It'll also help the sub feel better as it's strengthening the submissive connection.

Something to think about, next time the submissive jitters are taking over. For that matter, the dominant ones too. Yes, nothing is a substitute for good, honest, open communication. But no one wants to be a nag and sometimes actions speak louder than words.

Power Exchange Relationships

Let me define those words for you, with the help of Merriam-Webster:

Power: 1 a (1) : ability to act or produce an effect (2) : ability to get extra-base hits (3) : capacity for being acted upon or undergoing an effect

2 a : possession of control, authority, or influence over others

3 a: physical might or efficacy

Exchange: 1: the act of giving or taking one thing in return for another

2 a: the act or process of substituting one thing for another

b: reciprocal giving and receiving

3 a: something offered, given, or received in an exchange

Relationship: 1: the state of being related or interrelated

2: the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship

3 a: a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings

b: a romantic or passionate attachment

If you look at just the words, it's easy to remove the mysticism of these kind of relationships. Too often, we forget the basis for it all. 

For one, this is a relationship first and foremost. A relationship should enrich your life and make you happy. It should be about the people involved. There is no right way to do this. It is as individual as every person.

Two, the parties involved in said relationship should be getting something out of this. A submissive should not be giving away power simply because the other person demands it. Nor should a Dominant accept power over their partner simply because the other offers it. If there is not a bigger picture and purpose for both people, in the sense of both to be giving and receiving, then there should not be a power exchange.

I stress the word should because I can't tell anyone what to do or not do. Simply that if you look at how the words are defined, a power exchange means there are certain things that should be happening.

Three, power is not an excuse to do whatever the fuck it is you want. The same goes for a lack of power. There is responsibility, goals, desires, wants, needs, etc that still exist beyond whatever power exists and is being exchanged within a relationship.

Four, the power and its exchange goes as far as those in the relationship allow and let it go. It DOES NOT extend beyond your relationship. So be mindful when making rules that you're not impressing your power exchange unwittingly on those around you. Because frankly I see it all the damn time and it's just not cool.

Five, a power exchange relationship can come in various forms. It can exist on any and all levels you wish it to. It doesn't have to look like anyone else's power exchange relationship...because it is as unique as the people involved. Power exchange does not mean that it's a total power exchange.

Frankly, that last one is complex and deserves its own post. They all really do, and I will likely be expanding on them at some point. These are the starting blocks to think about in the mean time.