Two Weeks of Teasing

Last night, I was at a munch with several friends, including Kevin and Rebecca. It was so good to see them. We're trying to make plans for the four of us, as well as a night of play--willing plaything that I am. :D

One of my friends was wearing a suit. Now, normally this guy does nothing for me whatsoever. A good friend but definitely not interested. Put him in a suit and suddenly he's infinitely more appealing. I actually had to go touch the suit, tailored might I add. I was so riled up. Doesn't help that Kevin and Rebecca were completely teasing me earlier in the night too.

Of course I told Sir about this once I got home. I wanted to be dominated and fucked right then and there, lol. He was amused that I was so desperate and needy. What happens this morning? I start daydreaming about the end of the month. He wanted to know all  about it. Sir has taken it upon Himself to torment me for the next two weeks, whenever He can. Wants me to be an eager, willing, pliant submissive for Him. One who'd be willing to do just about anything.

And...I love Him all the more for it. It's going to be an agonizingly wonderful two weeks. Once He gets me all alone, oh dear!! I'm so in trouble, in the best way. It's going to be absolutely fantastic. He'll have His slutty, eager submissive to play with. All worked up, thinking constantly about sucking His cock. Really, that's all I've thought about all day long, when I haven't been thinking about more fantasies. I want Him in me, in every hole. He could do pretty much about anything to me right now and I would love it. Hahaha! :P

So on a completely unrelated note, even the therapist thinks Sir is good for me. I'm highly amused by this. Up until the end of today's session, the therapist didn't know anything about Sir and I beyond that we're friends. And I quote, "You need more friends like Him."  Towards the end, I basically came clean knowing that I'm terrible at speaking vaguely. I explained how I'm polyamorous and kinky. Neither of which shocked him. Apparently he's had kinky patients before. I think that's fantastic. The poly bit is new to him but as I explained what that meant for me, he was completely open about it.

I outright told the guy that my relationship with Sir is the healthiest relationship I've ever had. Considering how much the guy likes Sir already, I'm sure he'll agree with that. I figure we'll talk more about both when I see him in two weeks. I'm not ashamed of my lifestyle choices. Why should I call Sir and the bf "just friends" when they are so much more? Plus, as Sir pointed out, "A therapist picking up on openly broadcast emotions? No way!  I tease, of course."  I probably smiled a little (or a lot), every time I spoke of Sir, even as a friend. I can't help it, lol.

After I get back from time with Chris, I have another session. I'm surprisingly enjoying therapy, way more than I ever expected. Which I think that has everything to do with how much I like the therapist. :)  I hope it continues to go this well.

Squishy!

I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine

and he shall be my Squishy.

Come on Squishy. Come on, little Squishy.

That's been on my mind all morning. The funny part is I totally think of Sir when I quote that part of "Finding Nemo". I can see His "I'm not amused" look now. But He is squishy! And He's mine. :)

The bruises on my butt are just starting to fade. He and another friend of ours were playing with me when I got these bruises. They were alternating their hits, but somehow mainly hitting the same area. Under my right butt cheek. Sir says my best reactions are when I'm hit there. I'll have to take His word for it, lol.

I managed to catch some kind of cold/congestion. Low grade fever, coughing. All the fun stuff. So a day in bed resting and hopefully feeling better soon. I need to be okay by Friday as I'm babysitting the best friend's little man (the monster) for a week while her and her soon-to-be husband go on their honeymoon. Thankfully I have more free time than I know what to do with and can watch their son while they're away.

Hee hee, I invited Sir to brunch on Sunday. I'll have the monster man with me. He's a very well behaved little boy. A total ladies man as well, flirting with every woman he sees. He's only 2. I can't imagine what he'll be like as he gets older, haha. Then we're going to a cute little park so monster man can run around and play. It's going to be sweet and adorable. I can't wait! :-D

Shared Weekend

I'm almost hesitant to write about this, as it seems that when I talk about our plans they never come to fruition. I know it's not really the case and that this time is pretty much set. Sir is spending Friday evening until Sunday morning with me, April 5th to the 7th. Plans worked out that His usual obligations for Saturdays aren't occurring.

I told Sir that I'd have something special for dinner waiting for Him once He arrives after work. It was basically hinted that I surprise Him, when I asked if there was anything in particular He wanted. That's fine as I can be more flexible in what I can make. Hmmm, a "Taste of Home" magazine arrived in the mail the other day. Maybe I can find something new and interesting in there. Or it'll at least give me a good starting point.

I'm in for a long weekend. Sir warned me that I will be thoroughly worn out. And that He wants to take me in every possible room. Since He told me that, I've been staring at my home in a new light. I think more rope is in order. I look at my dining room table and all I see are possibilities. Not to mention I gave Him ideas for the headboard on my bed.

Just full of helpful ideas, He said. Oh Sir, I know. It's one of my better attributes, in my opinion.

Oh and the scenes...sensory deprivation. Objectification. Aided by toys and other fun implements. Those are only the parts I know about too...It's going to be a very interesting weekend. Sir offhandedly mentioned that sleeping may not be on the schedule for Friday. That doesn't bother me as nearly as much as it should, haha.

I am super excited to just have that time together. We haven't seen one another in over three weeks now. And haven't had a scene since earlier February, if I'm remembering right. That's FAR too long and I know He misses me as much as I do Him.

I'm sure some uninterrupted time together will do us both lots of good. :)

Where A Wayward Thought Will Lead

Our conversations always end up in intriguing places. Last night was no exception.

I have been very stressed out since around Christmas. The last few days have been a test of my patience. My body is a tense and unpleasant mess. It was too late for a bath last night but I will be soaking in heaven this evening.

Apparently my delicious Sir was highly aroused last night. With the mention of all the stress, He said cuddles were in order...and a beating on Saturday. I love parties! He's normally not that forward with kink so I know His mind was in some wonderfully dark place.

I casually mentioned that I should take a bath today or I won't survive the week. He took that idea and ran with it!  "Mmm, hot bath. That sounds like fun for two."

We bounced around ideas. I've seriously considered renting a hotel room for the night with a large jacuzzi for us to soak and play in. So obviously I told Him this idea. He mentioned we were liable to have several noise complaints.

Unless...we were in a private cabin. Like last summer, where He tempted me for a week to come and visit Him. This was shortly after we met, maybe two weeks later. He wanted me to drive down to a cabin in the middle of nowhere. God only knows what sort of trouble we would have gotten into, LOL!

"Well, if we wanted real fun, find a secluded cabin, not just a skiing one. I'd hold you captive for a week."

*shivers* "I think we need to make this happen." :)

So, at some point expect to see us vacationing in the middle of nowhere, in a cabin all to ourselves. I will be His helpless captive, and He'll be my tormenting kidnapper.

And I'm not thorough or anything...by looking at cabin prices in our state as well as a few other local states...Of course I found one that I really like that is very reasonably priced. Which is only a three hour drive away, with a full kitchen and inside jacuzzi.

There's another cabin site about 5 minutes down the road. Where we could get a jacuzzi and private hot tub. Decisions, decisions. The jacuzzi is better in the first place, but a hot tub is appealing. I'll have to send Him all the details about those cabins and the general location. See if He approves. :-D

I'm texting Sir now; He is greatly amused. Also, He agreed that a long weekend is doable. Need to ask what His definition of a long weekend is. Tentatively aiming for late August or September. The rates are the best for warm weather. It also gives us plenty of time to work out the details.

Honestly, the initial searching was more an instant curiosity. See how much a cabin in the middle of nowhere would set us back. The ones in our state are more expensive than I expected. For the same distance of driving (we live in a decently large state, near the southern end of it), we could go to another state and spend half the money. Plus it's a new place we can explore!

Though I do wonder how much we'll be leaving the cabin hee hee hee. He comes up with the best ideas, even if semi-unintentionally.

Choice and D/s

Before I get into the rest of the details from my previous post...

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so the long squeal of delight is because I'm spending the night with Sir!!! It's our first and I've been bouncing for joy since we made plans. Cuddling!!! And I was told to bring toys. Gonna be a happy kitten tonight! I had to share this delightful news. I'm sure I'll have plenty of details to write about tomorrow!

Back to choices. This began with a conversation we had on Sunday. In His hesitancy to put restricting rules in place as it takes away choice. I've been thinking about that all week actually. The idea of choice in the confines of D/s.

The moment true choice is taken away, the line of consent blurs. I know some slaves, likely even some submissives, live this way quite happily. It comes from a place of trust and mutual understanding.

But I challenge anyone within a BDSM relationship to say they don't have choice in some capacity or another. We can still say "no" and if it's not respected, then we have the option of leaving. Anything else is abuse, not BDSM.

So the idea of choice is a fuzzy one. Because Doms and subs often do things they may not like in order to please the other person. It does go both ways. Doms don't want to be Dominant all the time no more than a sub wants to be submissive all the time. We do things in relationships out of love, respect, and the idea of placing another's needs above ones own.

I will always have a choice. I can choose not to do whatever Sir tells me. There will be consequences, of course. If it's something I agreed to, then punishment will occur. If it's something I can or will no longer do, then it's time to reevaluate. Renegotiate.

By personal choice, I would not be sexually monogamous. I'm old enough to realize that I will want to have sex with others, the fantasy of the "One" has been gone for some time. And young enough that a lot of options are available to me at any given time. If Sir says "no", then I have a choice. I can agree to it or I can disagree. What happens from there will depend on several factors, I'm sure. As of right now, I can live with the sexual monogamy as it's not quite that black and white. I have the freedom to emotionally connect with others as well as play.

Choices. What we do is consensual, safe, and sane. We take calculated risks, not just with our bodies. With our minds, hearts, souls. As a sub, I trust the Dom I'm with to make choices for me. I can always say no, but I don't want to. I'm with the man for a reason after all. 

We're compatible, in more ways than just kink. I chose Him. I chose D/s, knowing full well that I will not have the full and complete choices of how I live my life. I don't want all those choices. The biggest choice I will ever make is in deciding who I will submit to. That is Sir.

Even His hesitation and fears about removing choice let me know He's the right person. Because He won't make decisions for me without knowing for sure if it's right. And if it's not, we'll find a way to make it work. That's the man He is and why He's worthy of trust.

I can understand why He's afraid to remove choice. Doesn't want to mirco-manage me. And given my abusive past, He doesn't want to affect my life in a negative way. But it's my choice to submit. My choice to hand over parts of my life to Him.

As long as He is the man I know now, a good and honorable person, then I will continue to give myself to Him. For however long He wants me. :)

I'm sure I'll more to say on this topic in the future...

Holidays

I hope everyone had a happy holiday, whichever you may celebrate!!

I've been busy and a little uninspired to write.

June, I did see your comment. I'm just terrible at responding sometimes. Hope you and your family had a wonderful Christmas!!

He and I are good. Back to where we should be. There was never any danger of us not being okay. Just some stumbling blocks as we sorted out our own minds, and figured out how to better express things directly. Still working on that latter part...

So yes I've been busy. Holidays and all that. I'm also having a few people over on this weekend. Some play, if people want to, with food and socializing. Maybe break out cards against humanity and Uno, because that's always fun.

Too bad this is a "dry" party because drinking and Uno is hysterical. Another time when people aren't playing.

I'm able to see Him over the weekend as well as new years eve. I'm very excited! Especially since last night we were discussing details to play. It should be a lot of fun and I'll share what He allows me. LOL

New years eve does involve alcohol. I'll be having rum and coke...I already warned Him that I'm a very snuggling drunk. Pretty damn silly as well. I'm sure He'll be amused, heh.

So that's what has been going on here. I'll keep y'all updated on fun happenings over the next few days!

Soaring

I'm floating in the afterglow as I write this.

There's so much that has happened, that we've said to each other.

I think it was Wednesday night that He said He could get used to having a little sex kitten under His control.

I offered Him Thursday evening control over my orgasms. I told Him it was fine, if not. I was trying to determine the lines between our play and when I had freedom of control.

He hesitated, saying that it would be left in my power. He'd only take control when we both agreed on it. Then it occurred to Him that I'd always say yes.

So He took control of my orgasms and I have to give Him daily reports. Cumming without permission results in a punishment...hopefully that won't be needed.

My head is spinning. I'm trying to stay grounded. Because I know this is but one small step for Him and I into the world of kink.

It's taken basically from July until now to get to this point. I don't mind one bit. The journey here has been incredible and necessary. The building up of trust, respecting the whole of each other, recognizing all the vanilla things that are so amazing...it allowed us to be here.

Part of me is this giddy ball of joy. Tempered by the fact that things will still be going very, very slowly. Though it is nice to be finally approaching the bdsm and kink aspects of each other.

I keep smiling, an expression of sheer bliss. Being controlled, in any regard, sits so well with me.

It's like I have these wings but I'm too afraid to fly on my own. I'd fly too close to the sun, like Icarus not listening to caution. But with a proverbial leash of sorts, I can spread those wings and soar without fear. Knowing I'll be reigned in before going too far.

Granted, it's not near enough control for that kind of freedom. Maybe one day. Only time will tell if this is what He really wants. I'm okay with waiting and enjoying the ride in the mean time.

We have so much fun together. Out with friends. Watching whatever movie He feels like I've missed out on, lol. Helping Him gain confidence in cooking. I enjoy hearing about His day at work. None of that changes. A small, very lovely piece has just been added to the mix.

In Wishes and Coffee

I've only known him since July. It seems like we talk every day or near about that. It's easy to lose hours in our conversations.

We see each other at local events. Have even done the dinner and coffee thing. I'll be seeing him later this evening.

I'm nervous, excited, worried...petrified. Not of him but of my own reactions. We're mixing things up tonight, for us. Testing each other's strengths and weaknesses.

I want him to be stronger.

Please be stronger. I am a woman with a weakness, in a man with a devious smile, a strong laugh, and a brilliant mind.

He's not the first with the potential to completely overpower me, in every sense. I think he'd be the first to have the courage to try and the skills to do it right.

Ah, if only our paths had met at a different point in time...though technically we had. We were different people then. It truly would have crashed and burned between us. Then we were presented a second chance, once our lives were in better places.

Yet still the timing isn't right.

So I will meet with him this evening. Share a lot of laughs. He'll give me looks that will melt me to my core  and stop my breath. It'll be intense, sexually charged, and controlled. He'll push my buttons and I'll have to resist him at every turn.

All because I asked. Because we need to know if I can. What it'll mean if I can't.

I'm not the only one falling...