Bittersweet

Last night was fantastic! I socialized as I normally do.  Floating between various conversations. A good time was had by all, which is what I want people to go away with after an evening out.

As things were winding down, He and I shared a few moments. Private looks. You should see His eyes when I amuse Him. There's a depth and warmth beyond words.

Like an old tree in a forest. One that's been there forever. Outlasted and outlived. Trees like that are always in a clearing. There might be smaller trees a few yards away, but it's in a league of its own. 

It's the kind of tree you can see every day. You have to sit and watch. Wait for the right moment. Then shows its true form, one of brilliance.

That's the same kind of feeling I get when some of His walls come down. Same intensity.

It's so nice to see Him happy. To see that sparkle in His eyes.

I wish I could pick His brain during moments like that. I wonder what He feels.

Last night I left before everything wrapped up. Turns out He and another woman had an interesting conversation.

She's someone I know well. I like her even. He said He sensed she was curious about Him. Or at the very least, in the things He was explaining.

I'm not a jealous person. I understand where those feelings stem from and typically have a handle on the situation before jealousy would even enter the equation.

So you can imagine how startled I was when I realized I was jealous. The green eyed monster was peeking up from within me.

Apparently I have issues to work through. Like I needed a reminder.

Probably my mind saying that this is what happens why I try to exclude/confine the positive emotions He makes me feel.

*chuckles bitterly*

I enjoy these feelings.

That sums up the problem completely.

I like these feelings. Ones I don't understand. Don't even know what to do with them either.

*sighs*

Such is life. I need to keep on doing what I am right now. Because I don't have any other choice.