Frankly, it was a good thing. I realized that our connection was a surface level problem being affected by something deeper.
I started going to private kink functions recently. Had a lot of fun at them. Really opened up and let myself have fun.
My mind is trying to turn a positive, fun experience into a severe panic attack.
Guess I'm not quite ready for that yet.
It doesn't feel like it's coming from a place of guilt or shame.
But it definitely triggered a flight response.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this.
Some good news though. We had a good conversation last night. I admitted that I was out of sorts and he got me to talk through what I was feeling.
I got some insights into his perspective of what was happening internally within him over the last two months. He recently got back into all of this and he was trying to figure out the reason behind our connection.
We realized that we were limiting each other by setting up such strict boundaries. It was causing a lot of confusion between us too. (as if that much wasn't obvious)
We're leaving it free to became whatever it turns out to be.