Saturday, September 15, 2012

Changes in life

I've been doing a lot of introspection lately. When He was over, we talked about one of my primary relationships. I said, "I'm worried that I'm pulling away because of my interest in you."

He surprised me with His answer, "I think 75% has to do with me. The other parts were already under the surface for some time."

He didn't mean it to be egotistical or arrogant. He was just being honest.

He continued with, "What do you want out of the relationship?"

"Friendship, of course. We always said we'd continue that." I then paused for a minute. "I think the lack of another answer says everything..."

The relationship will end amicably. We knew if it did end, it would be without drama. Maybe we'll start it again when we're both in different places. Right now, it just isn't working. Outside factors in both our lives are in the way of making it successful.

Also, my partner had been driving me more and more up a wall over the last two months. That is a sure sign that the relationship needs to end, from my personal experience. Once I've lost patience it means I've lost quite a bit more in regards to my feelings, and staying together will do no one any good.

I actually don't think it has to do with Him. Not in the way it seems. I see more clearly when around Him and when we talk. Given that, it is obvious that I would then examine all aspects of my life with that same clarity.

I must do what it best for me, and for my partner. I currently can't give him everything he needs. We are long distance and our schedules place demands on us so that it is hard to even connect daily. It's not fair with the impositions of life, but it is no more fair to continue to be in a relationship which exists only in name.

I do appreciate the clear headed perspective He gives me...huh, I'm using a capital H to dissolve confusion. But I must admit, it came naturally. There's even a little lip biting going on. Must be the sub has truly come out to play this evening!

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