We have plans to meet in person some time soon. I'm hoping on Sunday we'll get the chance. We need to talk.
He knows how much pain this turmoil has caused me. These feelings in me want to take root.
He wants to lay everything on the table. No more ignoring what we both know is there.
Funny how a friends with benefits arrangement can turn to more, even when we're both resisting it.
That's the thing: we were both perfectly happy being friends who occasionally play, with no sexual contact.
When we look at each other though, the rest of the world melts away. There's a spark that comes alive in his eyes. The tension between us could be cut with a knife.
It's the feeling of safety that still startles me most. Even when I'm most exposed, I feel so safe around him. Yes, there is a feeling of flight when he stares at me hungrily. That fades after a few seconds, then I want to strip and be available to him.
He brings out the sub in me.
I know the conversation is going to go one way. He's not going to mess with what's already working in my life. That's fine. It's what we agreed to and I'll stand by what we set forth.
The problem will still be that every time we're near each other, we'll want more. He says he has a game plan and I'm curious to see where that'll go. I don't know if that is something we'll be able to "fix."
I'm not sure I want to fix anything. I like how I feel. It's just maddeningly frustrating. I may be relieving lots of said frustration with orgasms. And I know exactly who to turn to for help with that!