Friday, March 8, 2013

Past meet Present

It's funny what knocks me back into reality, from a depressive state.

I received an email this morning from an ex. A jerk who turned into a bully and an asshole.

It was a stupid generic thing. Nothing of importance, not that it would have mattered.

This guy broke my heart and then tried to trample it into a thousand little pieces. And basically threatened to out and expose me.

I'm past the point of being sad. Past being angry. Yeah seeing that email startled me. But it didn't even hurt me.

Which is saying a lot, considering how into my head the guy got. It speaks to healing that I thought would never come.

It was the jolt I needed to fight back. It was seeing clearly what a jerk he was and how good my life is.

There's a lot of amazing people who love and support me. In the depressive haze, I couldn't mentally grab at any of that. As if it was all an illusion, teasing me but not real enough to stand up to the pain.

Not until this morning. That guy (i don't want to call him a man) caused a lot of very real pain. But if I can heal from that, then the pain of depression doesn't seen nearly as scary or overwhelming.

I don't care about that ex anymore. He stopped deserving that a long time ago. But, sometimes the past can be useful in showing how good the present is. And my present, with ALL the people in my life, is worth fighting the depression tooth and nail.

It's nice being able to strongly hold on to that again.

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