I was trying to explain myself to Sir over text this morning. I don't think I was very clear so I'm going to try to expand my thoughts here.
I've been processing the weekend. The erotic fantasy we were trying to set up? Well, at least on my end, it comes from a place of wanting to be desired. Being wanted to the point where traditional barriers are broken. It's not about the thrill of a stranger. No, more like having a place and person to belong to.
I was thinking about it early this morning. The fantasy no longer does it for me. Why? Because over the last 8 months, Sir has given me more than I could have ever hoped for. I've never felt so cherished, loved, treasured and wanted.
Even more, He's built up my own self-worth. I feel comfortable in my skin. I have my issues but He's shown me that those don't impact the value of who I am. And He's good at reminding me of that whenever I forget. He's helped me see all the wonderful things about me.
Some of my exes weren't nearly as nice. One had me convinced I could never be a good sub because of the depression. Another tried to convince me that no one but him would ever put up with my physical health issues. Basically I was told I was too much work. That who I am wasn't worth the effort.
Sir has helped me see that all they said is wrong. He's not the only one who has helped me get here but He's definitely been the most helpful. He's accepted me every step of the way. No fantasy, no matter how attractive in theory, could ever compare to the reality.
It's the man who has given me so much that I crave and long for. When He told me that I'm dear to Him, more than anyone has been in a long time...His eyes lit up, a sparkle and a warmth to them. I'm going to start crying again just thinking of it. Happy tears!
What I'm trying to say is He's amazing. Forget all the fantasies. Give me my Sir any day. I love Him. He's better than any fantasy, and unlike a fantasy, He's quite real and very much mine.
I'm still not sure this makes much sense. But maybe this will make a bit more sense to Sir than my earlier texts.