Tuesday, April 30, 2013

A New Game To Play

Let's play a little game, shall we?

I am tired of crying over men. Plain tired and bored of it.

To one, I am a toy he can't even begin to understand. But I am oh so pretty and have been the object of his desire for so long. Yet resentment builds because I am this broken thing who he feels should have been fixed long ago.

The other, the one I write of so often here. In fact, I once called these my love letters to him. With him, I don't even feel like an afterthought. To be an afterthought would require being thought of on his own.

So let us sit back and watch. Wait. He says he reads this every day. Yet more often than not, I don't get a "hello" or a "good night" or anything.

Then he tells me that once all my troubles are over...well, one specifically...he'll be pulling back to let me function on my own. I am a grown fucking adult who has been functioning emotionally on my own since I was a god damn child. I have known heart ache and loss that he can not even begin to fathom. Yet he thinks to tell me what I will or won't need.

And where would that leave us, him retreating? What would I have left? I barely see him. I'm lucky to get a text or have mediocre conversation with the man. Where is the man I met who couldn't get enough of my mind? Does he really believe I'm so easy to figure out, and so is already bored with me?

So our game shall be this:

How long does it take for him to notice
that I haven't been in touch?

My guess is Friday. Let the waiting begin.


  1. They notice more than we think, maybe you need to tell him how he makes you feel sometimes so you can work through it together.

  2. Oh, my heart is aching for you. I'm hoping, really hoping he is hiding his feelings for you well.
    I agree with dancingbarez, they do notice more than we think.
    I'm sorry. Wish things were better.....

  3. Hmmm, I don't really have any sage words of wisdom to give you so I shall just commiserate with you & send out a friendly hug!!


  4. My gender is clueless. Seriously, we are clueless. We cannot read your mind and no man I have ever met understands their SO.

    I wish you the best.