Friday, May 3, 2013

Love Letter

Do you know why I love Him?

He promised He would never let me go gently into the dark. Not any other time in my life have I managed the depression so well. There have been dark days. I've not hid them from you. He is a light that shines through the haze of pain and suffering. He is the balm that heals both old and new wounds.

I have never felt more beautiful than I do when He looks at me. He can't look away; He's enraptured. He opens His heart to me...opens His soul...when we make make love. And oh there is such a difference. Those moments where our eyes meet as our bodies are joined, baring forth all that we are. The beauty that exists in each of our spirits; the wonder and awe when they meet.

In His arms I find safety, acceptance, warmth, care...even love. I don't know if He's admitted it to Himself yet. I knew on Wednesday. I had hoped, prayed, craved for the truth of it. He's shown love for a longer time, but it was different. I saw a man in love. One willing to stake His claim verbally, physically, emotionally. When I implore Him not to leave, needing to hear the words, He tells me only in death. He calls me His, owned.

I love Him for His mind, passion, creativity, twisted sense of humor. Oh, I understand His humor well, enough to know when He's joking and bypass the joke all together. Enough to let it wash over me to bring out a smile and laughter. He eases the pain and tension with humor. It's part of the light that shines through.

He owns His actions, words, and even His mistakes. I see the flaws and weaknesses that make Him human and I love Him all the more for it. I can be His strength when His fails. We've been teaching each other how to live again. The more we're together, the more we connect, the more alive I feel. It's okay that I'm not perfect or healed completely because He accepts me, cherishes me, for all that I am.

It's this kind of love that allows moments like Wednesday to be a step forward, together. He soothed the pain and healed the wounds. I don't hold that or anything else from our past against Him. All I want is to love Him for the rest of my life, make His life happier, and never lose this joy that has found its way into my heart.


  1. What a beautiful post. I hope you never lose that joy. :)

  2. JAS, this is so beautiful. And I am so joyful for you and this blossoming of love that you have allowed us to witness.


    1. Thanks June. I'm thankful for all who read about our journey, especially those who support and encourage us. :)

  3. That was lovely JAS .. you should remember to read this to yourself (over & over again if you have to) when you are feeling depressed.

    It's beautiful!

    1. I have a feeling I'll be doing just that! :)