Love Letter

Do you know why I love Him?

He promised He would never let me go gently into the dark. Not any other time in my life have I managed the depression so well. There have been dark days. I've not hid them from you. He is a light that shines through the haze of pain and suffering. He is the balm that heals both old and new wounds.

I have never felt more beautiful than I do when He looks at me. He can't look away; He's enraptured. He opens His heart to me...opens His soul...when we make make love. And oh there is such a difference. Those moments where our eyes meet as our bodies are joined, baring forth all that we are. The beauty that exists in each of our spirits; the wonder and awe when they meet.

In His arms I find safety, acceptance, warmth, care...even love. I don't know if He's admitted it to Himself yet. I knew on Wednesday. I had hoped, prayed, craved for the truth of it. He's shown love for a longer time, but it was different. I saw a man in love. One willing to stake His claim verbally, physically, emotionally. When I implore Him not to leave, needing to hear the words, He tells me only in death. He calls me His, owned.

I love Him for His mind, passion, creativity, twisted sense of humor. Oh, I understand His humor well, enough to know when He's joking and bypass the joke all together. Enough to let it wash over me to bring out a smile and laughter. He eases the pain and tension with humor. It's part of the light that shines through.

He owns His actions, words, and even His mistakes. I see the flaws and weaknesses that make Him human and I love Him all the more for it. I can be His strength when His fails. We've been teaching each other how to live again. The more we're together, the more we connect, the more alive I feel. It's okay that I'm not perfect or healed completely because He accepts me, cherishes me, for all that I am.

It's this kind of love that allows moments like Wednesday to be a step forward, together. He soothed the pain and healed the wounds. I don't hold that or anything else from our past against Him. All I want is to love Him for the rest of my life, make His life happier, and never lose this joy that has found its way into my heart.