I have what I feel is an interesting post waiting in the drafts. I'm having Sir look over it first. For one, I'm not terribly sure it's long enough. Honestly, it feels like one of the topics I could write an essay on. Too many literature and writing classes have my mind wired to present topics versus simply writing on them. I think I pared it down to a manageable level without losing the intended effect. Also, I had Sir look at it first because it was not something I wanted to spring up on Him. I gave Him the deciding vote on whether it'll end up here or not, which is in a way fitting given the subject matter of the post.
Okay, now I'm just rambling. :P
Lost Kittie and I were chatting about Doms the other day. The reactions they cause in us. How we tend to hang onto their every word. Always looking for some sort of confirmation of acceptance and continued interest. Trusting them to know what the heck they're doing. Which we all know sometimes they don't and need a gentle nudge. It can be difficult though not to step on toes, and even harder, not to crush what is often a fragile ego.
Our conversation sparked a stumbling train of thoughts that led me in circles and a variety of paths. We're going to see where it takes me now. Hope you enjoy the ride. :D
We have this idea of what Doms are, in both the finite and infinite possibilities. For the most part, until we begin to give them control and power over us, we can still see them as an equal. We're hiding safely behind our walls. We've yet to experience the awe of watching the soon-to-be Dom fully clothe himself in power.
The moment the shift occurs, something shifts within us. Suddenly the man has become a little bit more than that. Within the man, there becomes pieces just out of our reach. We find ourselves exposed, piece by piece. Walls are dismantled or come crumbling down. Sometimes they're pushed aside as if they never existed at all. By the very nature of the power exchange relationship, this occurs. Yet what was once equal has tipped, the scales being in his favor.
The Dom reveals what is necessary when he feels it is appropriate. There is no full, complete exposure--definitely not in the way we've unveiled ourselves. We find ourselves no long the masters of our own lives, instead having to turn to another. It is this reversal that leaves us so vulnerable. He has become essential to day to day living because we crave approval, love, acceptance, direction, and even correction.
The simplest of words have power that never would have existed before this relationship. There are symptoms of withdraw when he is gone too long or seemingly becomes distant. This is something the Dom may not even realize, for he cannot sense or feel the constant yearning that is within us. All that independence we're taught to hold so tightly and proudly on to is ripped from our grasp. Their presence in our lives becomes non-negotiable. All our fears and concerns are amplified because the voice inside our own head is no longer the one in control. So we can't completely ease our consciences, instead we need to turn to them to provide that voice of calm and reason.
The changes that occur when power is handed over is specific to an individual. But no one handles it with grace all the time. There is an inherent neediness to being submissive. It can shake the very foundations of who we are. It can cause inner conflicts that may never end up being resolved. Society doesn't teach men or women to be dependent and subservient to another. It doesn't teach us to be selfless towards the needs of our partners. For as selfless it may be to serve a Dom, the same selflessness is required on their part. Whereas we must turn to them to be the voice of reason, they must now be the voice of reason for two.
The shift that occurs, the greatness of the man that we now have in our viewpoint, is necessary. In order to accept that we are not in control of ourselves, our minds make this man into someone above us. There is a slight resemblance to worship in the effects of power exchange. Do we not have our prayers to them, when we are lost and stumbling in this role, to help us find clarity and peace? Do we not trust them--sometimes with childlike innocence, other times with the skepticism and hope that only those with unanswered prayers can.
Yet we must hold in our minds the man they were before the power. Keep them grounded and accountable. To be around and interactive, not some lofty creature we can't relate to. To let them sometimes get on bended knees. To be their rock when they will inevitably stumble. We must see beyond the power we give them, in order to trust that when we offer guidance and support, we won't brushed aside with indifference. To remember they are still the imperfect beings they always were, simply made more complete with the love and obedience we show.
Wow, that escalated quickly! I must still be in the grips of essay writing. Ha! Before anyone goes off, yes I used male Doms. It's easier with writing to stick to a specific gender. This in no way insinuates that women can't be Doms. It was simply more natural for me to place men in that position.
I'm sure I'll have more to say on this at another point. As it is only a snippet of what is going through my mind at any given point. :)