Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Doing Okay, Regardless of "Obsessions"

I want to thank all of you who have commented recently. Your perspective and kind words have been incredibly helpful.

As for Him and I, we're fine. We've talked about it and I think worked our way through it. I'm still a little off, and it's showing in other areas of my life. It'll just take some time to recover.

Our connection/relationship is solid. The trust and communication skills we've established allowed for Him to guide me away from an emotional crash. Those have allowed us to continue talking and building up what exists...instead of tearing it down.

It opened up a pathway of communication we've been keeping silent on. One I think once out in the open, it'll really put us on the same page. Simply, we're still not saying some things about ourselves, and each other. We can't work with a true understanding of the situation without full disclosure.

And He agreed with me on that. He made a comment that He may be more aware of things than He lets on. I told Him that's not really healthy either. Information and discussions don't have to lead to actions. They do lead to more open communication and peace of mind.

As for that word "obsession"...His explanation of the use of the word:

"to me, the term has no innate negative context;
an obsession is simply that which dominates a persons thoughts 
and which they devote themselves to"

I've been sitting here with that word. Beyond all the points of past harm and why the word would upset me. Beyond my notions of its negative implications. I can put those aside and yet there's still an ache within me.

So I took a step back and wondered why. Because I don't want Him to see me in a negative light. I don't want my actions to make Him uncomfortable. I don't want to further complicate or bother what is between us.

His answer to that has been there all along:

"I just don't want you thinking that I think that you're doing something wrong"

That about sums it all up, doesn't it? :)

I have a feeling we'll be stronger for this in the long run.


  1. You remind me a lot of me. :) I completely agree that opening communication is good just for peace of mind, if nothing else. Im glad to hear you guys have talked and Im sure you'll be stronger for it.

    1. We've already opened up a little bit more. Shown a light into the dark recesses which we often avoid.

      We never actually stopped talking. That would be the day y'all really need to worry about us, lol.

      Even this morning, we'd have a few texts. He was ALL over my dreams last night...that would make for an interesting post actually.

      But thanks for the comment. Much appreciated!!!

  2. talking's always good. i've told BIKSS before that sometimes i just need to let things out, it doesn't mean that i need him to ACT on it. and talking helps me process stuff anyway... so he's quite happy to let me rattle on and on.

    1. I totally understand that!! I love to talk, especially with Him. I was still upset at a lot external sources yesterday. He listened and helped me work through that.

      He called Himself my "self-appointed General Keeper-in-liner-of-people"...a Brawn to my Brains. He's so sweet! And really, at 6'4, very few people would try to mess with Him!!

      I think in terms of "us", it definitely is a two-sided conversation we need to have. With lots of snuggles. He promised me like an hour of cuddles. I'm damn well holding Him to that and we can have our talk in the middle of that, if need be. ^_^

    2. Heh, He claims I got His height incorrect:

      "And 6'4? Really? I'm maybe 6'2."

      I got that while shopping in Walmart earlier. Looking for a Red Lobster gift card which surprisingly no stores carry.

      He's like a good foot taller than me. I'm just shy of 5'4. So either He's taller than He thinks, or I've shrunk! LOL

      Or my perception sucks. Hmmm we have friends who I know are 6'4. I'll have to compare heights and get back to y'all. *winks*

  3. I am glad you have worked through it, and are on your way back to feeling 'normal' and better :) Opening the communication is always good!

    1. Definitely has the feel of returning to normal. I trust Him to help get us through this times.

      Keeping up the lines of communication is actually one of those. If I am allowed to go deep into my mind, I will bury issues instead of addressing them.

      He's kind of stopped that. While it's not an official rule or anything, it's in my mind that He would not be pleased if I did such. So I do what I can to keep talking. Allow Him to still be my "safe place" and help me.

      I wonder if He realizes how much He is shaping/molding/training me...He's a smart man. I'm sure He knows full well. Just wonder how intentional that is.