Language is far more powerful than I think we give it credit for.
American English (in everyday speech) also misuses words to such an extent that communication is bound to be stifled.
Words are windows into the mind. While I may ramble and rant, my words are mostly chosen with precision. How I lay out a post is intentional.
Sometimes I am less formal and more free writing. Others, each word is very specific and laden with meaning.
My previous post was spur of the moment. It was messy.
It's still accurate. I would not change any word in it. Because I was speaking from an emotional standpoint, whereas I normally filter it through with reasoning and a rational perspective.
Or I attempt to, at least. I'll admit my reasoning can be skewed at times.
Under that post, He posted a comment. It was sweet and well-meaning.
There's also the word "obsessive."
He regretted it as soon as He got my reaction. He wanted to replace the comment without that word because He saw how much it hurt me.
The word is there, whether y'all see it or not.
We talked about it last night. It was a poor word choice.
And I'm crying again. Damn it...
He called Himself a "ponce." And an "insensitive dolt."
It had been a rough night on me already. People not taking a situation seriously, including Him. It really got under my skin and I had to be a hard-ass.
It's just a word. One He doesn't even view negatively. I do though. I'm trying to not let it get to me, truly. But obviously it's wormed its way into my mind.
This post and all its words are important. I do not blame Him. I would never blame Him for something like that.
The reason it hurts is because it's not entirely untrue. I want to believe my feelings for Him are in a healthy context. But the word "obsessive" comes with a lot of negative emotional baggage.
Right now, I'm trying to stop it from fracturing the trust and connection between us. A misplaced word shouldn't have that power but the implications struck my heart, hard. Hopefully the rest of His well chosen words can mend that ache.
I wrote a blog post with this exact title about a month ago... It's hard when we have baggage attached to particular words (or the word itself implies it)which don't exist for others... Then 'they' use them and it sends us into a tailspin. I think this is part of that journey JAS, we have to learn new associations and trust that the ones we love (and submit to) do not set out to do us emotional harm. It is plain that no flippant or hurt was meant here, and because I dont have an association, I read it is as a playful jab. More of an acknowledgement of your deep affection/love/caring/adoration for him. I totally understand that tailspin though. Big hugs. It looks as though you are on your way back up. Now is the time to exercise that trust you have in him. Trust he didn't mean to hurt you, trust that he cares deeply about you, and move froward. Hugs!!
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Im new to the blog, and I am enjoying reading through your posts. I just wanted to chime in here with a hug and a quick comment. Your feelings are valid of course, and I get why the use of that word after a post like that would be off putting. On the other hand, I will happily admit, hell yes, Im obsessed with Sir. He's amazing! Why shouldnt I be? BUT, he loves that I worship him. If I ever felt there was a negativity with it, I imagine Id feel similar to you. I have to agree with HisLilAngel as well. I hope you guys can move passed this quickly. *hugs*
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