Friday, November 23, 2012

Our Friendship

Truly He is one of the best friends I've ever had.

That's the level at which we exist most of the time: Friendship.

Not sex or bdsm or our "whatever-you-want-to-call-it" relationship...though on occasion those do arise.

Because of that, a lot of our time together doesn't get brought up here. Mainly because trying to explain the context of things would be time consuming, and likely reveal more about us than either of us are comfortable with.

However, this is one of those exceptions.

Yesterday morning I was really good...until I hit one of the dark spots. The kind where the mind is its own worst enemy. It's a dark place that eats away at happiness and peace. I hope y'all know what I mean by that.

He was there for me. Talked me through the worst of it. How did He put it?

"I will never let you go gently into the dark."

I didn't have to battle it alone. I finally understood many of our past conversations. I am stronger having people around me who truly care about me. He's told me time and time again that He'll always be there for me. Moments like yesterday morning back up His words.

I may be a bit broken and a little fractured but that doesn't change our friendship. He's not going to abandon me, no matter what part of me He sees. He said something super sweet and comforting:

"You get to keep me. 
And even if I go in person you get to keep your memories of me."

I'm used to people leaving and being really shitty on the way out. So often, He's told me that He won't be that way.

Considering the strength of the friendship we have, and are continuing to build...I believe Him.


  1. Yes we all need a friend like this xxxx

    1. That's so true. I'm so thankful to have Him in my life.

  2. i think even tho we've been hurt before, what separates us from the rest is that we pick ourselves up and try to trust again.

    and he's being very supportive right now *wink*

    1. Yes He is. He's an exceptional man.

      And He does it with no selfish motives in His heart. He truly wishes to see me happy and healthy, free from the pains of the past. To be able to stand proudly, with strength, on my own.

      I do trust Him. After all the lying, betrayals, manipulation, abuse, abandonment...somehow, I trust that man with my life. I trust Him with my mind.

      It's also slowly becoming a reciprocated trust. There's little moments where He opens up and shares. Moments where His walls are let down, just a fraction. Moments of insight and understanding.

      I treasure those and am honored by them. I feel their weight in me. To hold them safe, to help Him mend.

      Geez my comments always end up too long, even on my own blog. lol