I was reading on someone's blog...I can't for the life of me remember where specifically. I went searching, but no such luck. So if someone knows what I'm talking about, please clue me in, thanks!
I read that D/s is only on the table for so long as the submissive woman is still able to function independently.
Now let me tell you, I don't often remember what bloggers have said. Especially not one line. The line didn't make sense to me so I've been sitting here for a few days trying to puzzle it out.
Dependence is part of D/s....right??
I'm a very independent. Past Doms have tried to break down this independence as they've seen it as a false thing. Not completely or entirely. Simply they saw it as a wall I kept up to keep them out.
In a relationship there is a type of co-dependence. In the sense of emotional and physical needs, one looks to their partner for fulfillment. That's why the relationship exists after all.
I'm very talented at resisting said co-dependence. Because it always felt like I was the dependent and vulnerable one.
The kinky boyfriend I have now being the exception, which frankly says a lot. We don't live in the same area, so we afford each other a lot of independence. But, we're both in the relationship as far as openness and vulnerability are concerned.
Heh, I'm supposedly the one who can't open up...yet with past Doms, it was like pulling teeth to get them to open up to me.
Looking at what works and what doesn't work...starting with a base of D/s and BDSM has a way of being totally devastating. The kinky relationships that were successful were based on friendship, then relationship, then kink.
That's exactly why the bf and I work. There is a level of caring that exceeds any D/s aspects. We treat each other with respect.
Respect. I've been missing that from relationships.
The more I think about that other person's comment, the more it dawns on me that's how I want D/s to work for me.
I like the idea of a 24/7 D/s relationship. I have for years. Yet I need to be myself, in all facets. Help coax out the positive sides I hide; don't repress who I am. Respect me for not only the submissive, but all I am.
I've been continually viewed as a sub. That's what is wrong. The sub is just a part. I need someone who is going to see me for all I am.