Monday, October 29, 2012

Learning some lessons the hard way

A deviation from my usual topic of well...Him.

Mmmmm, Him. ^_^  LOL anyway...

My latest ex has been getting quite under my skin. To the point I'm thinking, "We were together for the better part of the year? More so, you were my Dom?!"

I think he hid himself behind the title. All I know is that I'm seeing a very different side of my ex, one I'm really not a fan of.

I don't do well around whiny and desperate people. It wears down my patience and good will.

Needs and wants are different. When a loved one needs to rant, cry, etc to me I don't mind. I see the need for it. I appreciate that the person can turn to me for support, and guidance if needed. I'm aware I often need this from the people around me so I'm more than happy to give back to the people I care about.

I'll be the support you need, if you'll let me...

Bitching about not getting laid and whining that the woman he wanted to fuck is romantically interested in someone else...yeah, I can't tolerate that shit. "No, the universe is not out to stop you from getting laid. You're frankly not that important in the scheme of things."

I also think it's really hit my ex that we're not getting back together. I honestly can't see it happening. I was unhappy for awhile, which led to some realizations. I didn't feel like I was being treated as a person. I was a toy that fed his ego and desires. I'd even go so far to say our interactions were more that of a Sadist and a masochist than D/s.

The inner sub was restless. Probably why He interested me so greatly from the beginning. There's the Sadist in Him, no doubt about that. I also see the Dom that's at His very core. But that's neither here nor there at the moment.

That quote sums up my feelings for my ex. I may love and crave Sadism in scenes, but it's not something I want as part of my daily interactions with a Dom.

I also need to be strong, laugh, be sassy. That's who I am. It's not disrespectful. My personality should enrich the relationship and be appreciated...not tucked away.

It's hard to see these things while in a relationship. I'm too focused on pleasing and being what is expected of me. I don't realize that I'm losing myself. At least not at first. Then my inner nature rebels after so long. I start to see the flaws.

That's what happened with my last ex. I saw what wasn't working. It was who he is and how he views BDSM. I saw the immaturity and the constant need to argue with everyone about everything, even when it wasn't the right time to bring up certain topics of conversations.

Heh, He has seen my ex a bit. Actually, more than one...but about that ex, I think He said something to the affect of, "Wow, after reading some more of what he's written, he's a bit of a jerk." Sometimes yes, more that he has no clue on how and when to interact with others.

As for another ex He has encountered...well, asshole is probably the nicest thing he could say.

I swear, not all of my exes are horrible people, heh. Just a learning process to see what works and what doesn't.

Obviously the last two didn't work. I'll update more on what did and didn't work at another time. :)

1 comment:

  1. you know you say this with such clarity. honestly, it took me AGES and AGES to be able to come to terms with how big a jerk my exes were.

    sigh. i can be very clueless sometimes.