I have been dominant. I have even owned submissives of my own. With some, it was fulfilling. Others ended before I got a firm grasp on their submission.
There's always been something missing though. I don't do well with all the power. Or even most of it.
There's a Sadist in me that I recognize all too well. But that's pretty damn separate from the dominance that I'm not entirely sure whether it exists in me or not.
I'm an Alpha submissive. I don't enjoy being "beneath" the level of another sub. There's an emotional appeal to the idea, but in reality, I'm much stronger of a personality. The idea of being given temporary power over another sub is something I'm very comfortable with.
I'm thinking about all of this, after not touching dominance for two years because tonight I'm willingly dragging it out of the closet to make an appearance at an event. I have a female friend who is trying to bring out a submissive side that she only half wants to acknowledge. It's a costume party and I'm doing as a "dominatrix" LOL!!
Only, it's not so much of a costume. Maybe a "mask" of sorts. This woman and I play somewhat regularly. Flirt all the time. She's dating a guy, who is more than okay with our interactions. Tonight is to help both of them. She has trouble trusting men. She feels comfortable around me. Hell, I know about the submissive nature and her boyfriend doesn't...yet.
He'll see it tonight, if I can do all I want with her.
I want her to see that being submissive won't change people's opinions of her. No one will take her less seriously. I understand all too well that it's vulnerable being submissive. I want to give her a safe place and a fun night to show her that it doesn't need to be scary.
Then hand her off to her boyfriend so he can possibly play with her sub nature a bit.
That right there is the kicker. It's not about her submitting to me. It's just getting the nature out, then placing her in more capable hands. He's Dominant. Deliciously so. It's natural for him and it's where he belongs.
I am very happy and content as a submissive. Helping others with submission now and then is okay with me. I can handle that and it lets the Sadist have some fun. But dominance long term is not me.
Maybe in tandem with a Dominant, I could see letting my dominance out to play more. See what it could develop into.
This is going to sound strange, but I'm not a Switch. I have no desire to have power over others. There's absolutely no appeal. There is a spark of dominance somewhere in me, I think. But not enough to ever truly be dominant.
If this makes any sense to you, please send me notes. Because frankly I'm confused by my own nature.