Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Content with no regrets


Tomorrow this is all settled.

No matter what happens, I'll be relieved and happy.

Yes even if we remain friends only and I never get to feel His touch again, I will be happy.

My life is better just for having Him in it. Richer. Fuller.

While some part of me hopes and waits with bated breath, I'm not worried.

I have no regrets.

Love is a funny thing. Unconditional even more so. I fell in love knowing full well He may never feel the same. I love Him to a depth that I will be happy for Him, no matter where His life may lead Him.

When I woke this morning, it was as if from a fog. Depression is also a funny thing.

I've not mentioned the details of why we don't have something more. The reasons haven't changed. My drive for more has.

He is worth fighting for. Even helping Him fight his hesitancy and doubts, if He'll let me.

Before I had the courage to tell Him that I love Him, I used the word "adore" which I still find apt.

I respect that He takes time to make decisions. And that He's aware now is the time to make one. Though I may have given Him a slight push, heh.

No regrets. None at all.

I'll be a bundle of nerves tomorrow. That's okay.

In this moment, I am content. I have done all I can. Laid forth what I'm willing to do, if necessary.

I'm soaking in a hot bath. All the tension gone. A decision is finally being made.

I can relax in peace.

1 comment:

  1. glad to hear.
    i think i was the one who did a lot of the initial pushing (emotionally) in our early days too.

    sometimes i think i was being unfair and forcing him to give in (heh) but i know that's not true.

    adore is a word i still use often. right up there with love. and i doubt you'll ever stop using it. :)