Friday, October 19, 2012

Pondering Faith and Religion Part 2

More on religion...We'll return to our regularly scheduled program of kink and bdsm tomorrow.

I found a religion called Wicca in my teens. Though I funnily enough found witchcraft a few years earlier but didn't do much with it. While it explained the energy I felt and all I can do, it's never fulfilled my spiritual needs.

Because no matter how I package it, the Creator isn't in my life anymore.

It's left me questioning what was real and what was the imagination of an emotional starved child. I can't say.

In the time since, I have come across...something else. Several somethings. I have wondered if they are but aspects of the divine or something else entirely to bridge the gap between us and the Creator.

I don't have answers to nearly all the questions I have asked over the years.

The Church becomes appealing in these moments because they do have answers. X, y, and z are what is. A, b, c is how you live. It's all neatly packaged.

But to go back is to dismiss everything I have felt, experienced, and learned since.

And while I believe Christ exists, I have resigned myself to the fact that he's not my path to the divine.

These questioning thoughts often arise around Him. If you heard Him speak about His faith, you'd understand. He's been divinely touched; I have no doubts about that. I recognize it because I used to have the same Voice. Same depth and breath of belief.

I've been told I still have it. Given how many lost Christians, especially Catholics have found me, I'd believe someone wants me to do something. I give people all the options. Many fall into some sort of paganism, happily so.

There's even a joke in the pagan community that Wiccans are recovering Catholics. Heh.

I guess I have difficulty fully letting go of Catholism because it was such a large part of me for years. I understand it. There's a comfort of familiarity about it. It's just not the answer when it comes to my personal faith.

EDIT...because frankly this song belongs with this post:


1 comment:

  1. I feel the same way - so finally I decided to find a church that I can go to when I want to connect but that I don't have to interact with fully... and I found one. People come up and say hi during welcome time, but otherwise leave me alone. The pastor is SMART (although she pulls back way too often) and the singing is really really bad, which for some reason makes me feel comfortable. I go about three out of every four weeks now. And I still don't know if I believe in God, but that seems to feel a part of me.