Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Bad Behavior

I feel downright terrible about last night. Apparently suppressing emotions doesn't end well.

All that pain, anger, frustration came to the surface. He said I was malevolent in nature.

I slapped Him while out at the bar...across the face. Not hard or for real...but I did. As soon as I did, I had an "OMG what did I just do??" moment.

I felt terrible last night but now that I'm sober, there's so much guilt and general horrible feelings.

And He was so sweet to me too.

He diffused the malevolence and overall bad mood. (well to some extent I guess, because I slapped Him after that...)

Even after all this unfolded, the man gave me two orgasms and then let me have His cum.

Then we spent another twenty talking and kissing.

He is too good to me. Especially after my horrible behavior. It was uncalled for, as it presented itself.

I just apologized again to Him, now that I'm sober and the reality of my actions and behavior has hit me.

*sighs*  I'm hoping my bad head space is now gone and I can go back to being His cute kitten again.


  1. I can imagine that would be quite jarring, especially given the nature of our personalities on a 'normal' day. I would just give you the wisdom, my Daddy has given to me - he has forgiven you. Let his grace be enough.

    If you find that you are still in that frame where you are beating yourself up, ask him for help to get you past it.

    1. Heh, He told me "it was actually funny in hindsight."

      We both wish we could remember what it was He said. Because there was something that set it off.

      It was more than just the uncertainty of Him and I that had me upset yesterday. Some deep rooted issues were given voice. There's more anger and pain associated there than I realized.

      I can accept His's forgiving myself that may be a bit more difficult.

  2. I can relate to having trouble forgiving yourself. Thats when I ask for punishment, personally. Im glad you got some things out there, sober or not. :)