Kitty for Mr. Woods asked me on this post about the boyfriend I have.
I knew a reply there wouldn't be sufficient so I decided to write a post in response.
The bf and I have known each other for what seems like forever. We've become much closer over the last three years. But it was only 6 months or so ago that we got (back) together. We have prior history from that forever ago, not too long after we first met.
Heavens, we were awkward back then. The kind of awkward only teenagers can be. Young, foolish, not nearly as devious as we are now.
So much has happened since then. And yes, I'm being non-specific to certain time lines. Can't go giving away my age, after all. *grins and winks*
It was a year before we starting dating again that I realized a spark was still between us. I allowed him to stretch his dominant muscles. Then I became re-involved with someone and that was put to the back burner. I guess it was around Christmas time last year that I told him that I still cared about him.
When we finally got to see each other, it was pretty damn obvious something is there. But it has this tendency to fade when we're not together and not working damn hard at "us."
I could not be monogamous with him. The man tries but he is not comfortable in dominance, at least not yet. I need a Dom. While the bf isn't happy that he has to share me, he will. For now. He couldn't do it long term.
He hints at what he wants long term for himself. I don't fit into that mold. I don't want to fit into it. He's set on living in NJ. I miss it terribly but I have no desire to ever live in that state unless I have to.
So why stay together? Because not every relationship has to be long-term. The bf and I don't sit making plans for the future. It's something we're both aware of that we're meant to go off in different directions when the time comes.
It will fade back to a friendship at some point. I imagine the spark will always be there between us. We have too many years of history for there not to be something.
And now my comment of "I'm willing to be monogamous with Him" should be even more telling...there's a very introspective post hiding in there.
Now y'all have a better grasp of where things are in terms of the bf.
I think you're very brave. I would never be able to have a bf with whom I knew things would have to end.
ReplyDeleteI'm the "why even bother then?" sort I guess..
It's quite admirable that you can enjoy and extract happiness out of the NOW without worrying about the future. *a little bit envious*
In some ways, I can enjoy every minute more because I know it is limited. I also have no desire for a long-term commitment with the bf. So it balances out that I can have my fun while it lasts.
DeleteI did chuckle at your last line. Quite a bit because I do worry. Just not about the situation with the bf.
Now, my situation with Him on the other hand...well it's not nearly that easy.
I say I don't expect more than what is...doesn't mean I don't want more. I try not to think about it too much and just be happy with what I do have.
It's something He and I have spent a great deal of time talking about. I'm trying to follow His advice and enjoy what I have. So if things do end one day, I will have fond memories to hold on to. Not empty memories with unfulfilled desires.
Something to think about...
Thanks for posting this! I always find it interesting that BDSM people seem so much more open to the non traditional relationship. Im in one myself. If nothing else, you and the bf can have fun together for now. Nothing wrong with that!
ReplyDeleteYou're quite welcome!!
DeleteYes, I've noticed that as well. I think by the nature of BDSM, people feel more open about expressing other non-traditional desires when it comes to relationships and love.