Monday, January 14, 2013

Where things are going for Us

In the spirit of disclosure...

We did a bit of talking last night about Us. Open disclosure about where things stand and what has to change before we can move forward.

The unspoken issues are still there. I received some promising news via email the other day. Hopefully this is a step in the right direction to have a life that I can truly claim as my own. Only then will I be free to hand it fully over to Him.

Maybe that's enough of a hint of why we've dragged our feet so much over the last few months...

He's made up His mind. I've not made mention of the inner struggle, but I've been hinting His clues over the last week. His decision is to wait until we can do this right. "Two months or two years..."

The whole "when, not if" comment carries a lot more weight upon reflection.

With that in mind, and the intent of this post actually, is that things will be kept at a simmer for the present time. Yes He is still my Sir, and I'm His kitten. That's not changing. Because I need it and I think He needs it a little bit too.

The full scope of what that means is things are fairly tame compared to what they could be. How did He put it? Something along the lines of "not wanting resentment to build" while we wait until we can do this properly. I know what He means.

Right now, I can't give Him the time, attention, or control that we both desire. Maybe in a few months time it'll be different. I'm hoping that email leads to the ability to not be financially entangled with another person. (Maybe more of a hint for y'all?)

I tried to do it with the ex from last year. The Dom I had when I first started this blog. Part of our problem was distance and personality. The other was the same underlying issue here. And Sir has enough insight to be cautious and wait. It drove me insane at the beginning, but I'm seeing His logic.

He also said that He wants to give me time to get used to my new life. Adapt to being on my own...for truly the first time. Okay there were those two years but those almost don't count. There's always been someone having my back. Granted, I do have Sir. But it'll be different. Not living with someone I have another intrinsic relationship with.

Childhood, I had my family. Even in college, I had the support system of the school. A friend and I lived together for a while. That's the almost doesn't count from the past as her parents were very good to both of us. Ever since, I have lived with someone I was romantically involved with. God, this almost suggests that I'm incompetent to take care of myself.

I don't mean it that way. I've always been the one to pay bills. Cook. Shop. Clean. I'm more than capable to be on my own. It's more not having someone there. And even though it's been over a year since we were "all homey" together, my ex is still around enough. There are responsibilities that have yet to be sorted. We're being civil about tearing apart our lives, heh. It's been several years coming. One could argue it never should have began in the first place.

Yes, still being vague on purpose. Not to mention that I'm poly and time tends to overlap on relationships. *grins*  Maybe one day I'll tell you how old I really am...for that matter, how old Sir is too. *winks and giggles*   Maybe...

I have no intention of living with another person I'm romantically involved with for quite some time. It's about time I found my own feet to stand on. And ya know, Sir is only 20 minutes away if I need Him. *wonders if I can talk Him into being the handyman around my place*

So yes, the whole point of this post! I keep getting distracted by sharing details of my personal life...

Basically, it will be several months before Sir and I can take another step in any direction together. We'll still be here. We'll still have stories to share. Maybe I can entice Him to comment more often. Hmmm, maybe entice Him with a blow job for every comment??  I like the sound of that myself, lol!!

In the mean time, need to ask if I can share pictures from over the holidays. I had some lovely bruising. Don't know if He'll want me sharing that here or not. Better to ask than be sorry later! :)

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