Tuesday, January 8, 2013


I was rereading my blog...because I do that now and then. I like to see where we were. What progress we've made. Often I gain insights into what did and didn't work.

My second post was quite startling and enlightening. I said that He'd never be mine. I felt it deep within me that I would never even come close to having what I do now, let alone the possibilities that still exist.

Because He is mine. He's my Sir and one of my greatest friends. I'm His sweet kitten. :-)

I think I understand what He was trying to convey all along...

I worry too much!!

It's a learning curve we've both had to work through. He's patient with me in that regard, just as I'm patient with aspects of Him. It took some time to get used to that, for sure. It seems we've found a good balance.

Furthermore upon reading through my archives, I found out that we don't function well when I try to take control of things, or push just a little too hard. *blushes* 

As terrible as this is going to sound, I needed to learn my place. That's at His feet with a (metaphorical) collar around my neck while He holds my leash. In that mental space, I thrive. I am content. 

Now it does require Him to take hold of the leash and direct me as appropriate...that was also a missing piece most of the time we were struggling.

He and I are an "us" when He leads. I understand He's still trying to find His comfort level in all this. I'm figuring out expressing myself in the right way.

Allowing Him to help and guide me, to become a healthier/better me....I asked Him for help with a non-D/s issue earlier. To have my back and protect me, if necessary. The "me" from 6 months ago wouldn't have done that.

That version of "me" would have tackled the problem all on my own. "Help, who needs that? Not me that's for sure!!"  

Heh, He's taught me that not only can't I do it all on my own, there's also no reason to do such. He's here for me. Yeah, sometimes I still need a reminder but I'm starting to accept that as truth. He's here to help. I've believed for a while now that He and I did not meet by accident. Belief, which can be painfully difficult for me to accept.

Yet I'm at peace with my belief that He is in my life for a reason. He's meant to help me; and He's already done so much. I also belief I'm here to help Him.

Whether this is just to give the other the friendship and confidante we needed...or something more...that's something I don't know. But I have faith it'll all work out. I trust Him to lead and I promise to follow with an open heart/mind/soul.

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