This writing contains spoilers for the movie/musical "Les Miserables."
Les Miserables...Wow, absolutely incredible. I cried for a good two hours of the movie. Sir was crying too, especially towards the end.
His hand didn't leave me the entire movie. Whether protectively placed on my knee, our fingers interlaced, or His hand wrapped around mine...it was a constant comfort I greatly needed.
There is a scene between Cosette, Eponine, and Marius. Where Eponine brings Marius to meet with Cosette and they express their love for each other. Eponine is off to the side expressing her love for Marius that she knows he'll never return.
Sir knew the scene was coming and what it would do to me. Because that's one of those times where His hand laced with mine. Comforting and fitting so perfectly in His hand, with gentle squeezes now and then.
All of my hopes and fears in regards to Him were played out before me in that scene. I fear being Eponine. The unrequited love that is thrust into the background. I hope to be Cosette, in every sense. (Yes Sir, I just called your not-so-carefully-disguised offhand comment from last night...)
In the movie, Marius and Cosette fall for the other with just one meeting. They knew something was there that could not be ignored...So it was with us. From day one, the man had an appeal and draw that was unexplainable. Heh, He wasn't even aware that He was flirting with me. It was as natural as breathing, and just as right.
By rights I have nothing to fear. His comments last night made it clear where His intentions are. Just taking His time to be sure as I am a rarity to His world, as it turns out. It's why I'm an answer to a prayer.
To be loved, welcomed, understood without a care to His past or the man He will one day be. To accept Him as the man He is in this moment. To love Him, not in spite of who He is, but because of it.
I told Him that He's an answer to a prayer I made 14 years ago. One that I was convinced was never going to arrive. I didn't tell Him what that prayer was, as we both needed to sleep. But I'll share it here with you all:
I prayed to be taken away from all the pain,
to be in a place where I could
escape and truly let it go.
14 years is a long time to be in pain. He's given me that safe place of acceptance, support, and assurance. That it's okay to leave behind the pain. That the days of intentional harm and careless abuse are done. I trust that I will find days, months, years of joy and peace with Him in my life.
To say that I am not the person I was yesterday is an understatement. My world has changed, in ways that I can't even explain.
He's not the only one who found faith in the answer to a prayer...